"Parting is such sweet sorrow."
- William Shakespeare (Romeo & Juliet)
Today was my last full day in Shenzhen. It has been a wonderful one. It has come to an extremely emotional end though!! It does not seem that a little over three weeks has passed since I first came to both China and Shenzhen; to me, it is as if years have gone by here and now. Perhaps that is because I have been gone from China for just over four years. The last time I was here, I spent nearly a full year here. So, though I have stayed in contact via phone, email, different chat programs, and pictures, I have had so much catching up to do with the multitude of beloved ones that I left behind here four years ago. Honestly, I didn't want to leave China last time ... BUT it was my dear Papa's plan and necessary changes and good came from me being back in America. I am thankful that HE sent me back, but I knew when I left (as did some others) that part of my heart was also left behind here.
Today, I got to relax at Starbucks and enjoy a double espresso with some banana syrup in it; they have these wonderful banana lattes over here at the moment. :) I enjoyed the drink with a friend who had never had express o before and got to catch up a lot with another friend named Crystal. Four to five years ago while teaching English, I somehow met Crystal. She was never my student, but she ran into some hard times and asked painfully if she could live with me.
My school owned the apartment I lived in. I didn't ask their permission about her staying and never told some other folks about her living indefinitely with me; I wondered if it would get me into trouble, and it did scare me somewhat. I just knew that I honestly had to help her because the ONLY other option for Crystal was living on the streets, and I couldn't do that to her though she was a stranger. She stayed several months with me as did her younger sister for a time. I shared my understanding of Papa's son with her and never knew what really happened after that in Crystal until today.
Man, it was a good time with her filled with so much joy!!! We left Starbucks and had lunch at this wonderful restaurant over a delicious lunch! :) I came to learn that many seeds of love (by Papa's grace) were planted in her heart which led to other god things which led up to last year. Last year, Papa miraculously spoke to Crystal and showed her that He had to be real; he became her king. In the meantime, her sister has also become a Christian, and a Bible I gave to Crystal years ago was given to a former roommate of hers which also led to salvation. Papa is SO GOOD!
That brings me up to tonight. Tonight, I had a dinner date with Kathleen (my very close friend) and her boyfriend Tommy. They were late, and Harriet and I were early which resulted in Harriet and I having much time to talk. Harriet nearly always has many questions for me about Papa, his book, and his way of doing things. I really wanted to see Kathleen and was struggling with Chinese culture a little and struggling with not getting my way a lot. I spoke with Papa about both, but it was all still hard none the less. Mostly during the wait I just got to encourage Harriet to grow more and trust Papa. She follows him, but she's in this funky growth spurt time like when a baby goes from crawling to first walking. I am thankful that Papa gave me so many understandable and funny parables to teach her! I felt like His Son when he taught others with his stories.
Harriet had to go teach English tonight, so though invited, she didn't get to join Tommy, Kat, and I for dinner. Well, this dinner was most definitely a gift to both Kathleen and I! We deeply love each other, but this time in China we haven't gotten to spend much time together. Plans literally changed during the night for this dinner to even come together. I almost am about to cry as I write about the dinner. My Papa astoundingly blessed me with one of the most costly and delicious dinners I've ever had!! He poignantly reminded me of Jesus, his death, and his blood being preciously poured out for my salvation. I deeply and with sincere heartfelt gratitude thanked Him. He gave me true Western food in a true Chinese bar and night club. That is really where we ate. I tried at first to talk my friends out of dinner there, but I couldn't do it successfully for reasons that are hard to explain. I told Kat as we walked into the bar (which was extremely dark) that eating there showed me that Jesus was really changing my heart because in the past I never would have eaten dinner in a bar. I am glad that I am in the midst of some of the most profound changes ever in my life!
Well, after dinner we walked back through the restaurant part of the bar into the night club part of the bar to go outside to meet Harriet so that I could go home with her. I saw one of the biggest Chinese guys ever as we walked out; he was the bouncer, and he opened the door for us. Right after we walked out, Kat asked if I wanted to buy some peaches. I think she knows (and if she didn't before she does now LOL) that my favorite fruit are peaches. Guys, I cannot express to you unless Papa supernaturally allows you to see my heart raw how deeply my heart was broken for our peach seller. I knew in my heart that I had to buy some peaches though I was not hungry. I know these words will be almost meaningless --- really and truly --- unless seriously, Papa works in your hearts, but I will try to let you see my raw heart. My peach vendor was this sad, 12 year old boy selling fruit with his mom on the streets at 10 PM! How wrong is that!!! I bought two extra just so he could have a little extra money. He eagerly grabbed the money, and I walked away with a troubled heart and tears forming in my eyes. My heart like perhaps never before was shattered. Even now as I write tears come again thinking of him.
My heart was/is shattered for two reasons. The first is this ... this boy and people like him that are abundant here are why I come to China. There are about 2 billion people here and yet so few for thousands of years are willing to come here to tell about the only One who can change things. Yet, I am but one person. I believe that there is much that I can do here, but I am limited. I pray and yearn for many more to leave behind, no matter how painful (and painful it will be), friends, family, favorite foods, television, and limitless trivial things of the world that can and do snatch many away from telling those in darkness of the only true LIGHT.
The second reason I know that my heart was shattered tonight in an immense way is because when I return in a little over a month that there will be much that you who read will simply not understand. You will want to understand and be glad that I am "home" ... but I know it to be true in my heart SO deeply because I have seen it happen many times before that you simply cannot understand. You will gladly spend an hour perhaps looking at my pictures and watching my short videos, but how in the world can an hour or even several weeks catch you up and make you understand things that you have never smelled, never tasted, never seen in person before? It is impossible unless my Papa supernaturally lets you understand. I want you to understand very much both all that I go through here and all that is now my heart. I don't want to be hurt when you don't understand, and I KNOW that you would not purposefully want to not understand me. But, I know that you have your own lives and jobs and possibly even families to take care of too.
And so right now, the only solution I can see in sight is Jesus simply comforting my heart. I have cried for over an hour off and on and tried so many times not to be too emotional tonight, but my grief over several things continues to overwhelm me. I know that by the time I am able to post this to my blog that several days will have passed since I first wrote this in my journal. The circumstances make it to be so. Know that when you read this that Harriet tried really hard to comfort me as did Kathleen. I am thankful for their love and attempts to ease my brokenness and sorrow!
I do hope to come back some time to China again, but I do not know when my beloved Papa will allow that or if He will allow that. What I do know is this ... that more and more my heart yearns to bring others here with me. I know that I am still very emotional now, and so perhaps that is why I do not think my heart could take it if I returned alone to China again. More and more, I desire to be a bridge for other Americans who come here. I know that I still have an incredible amount to learn about Chinese language, Chinese culture, and China itself ... but I am a little further ahead of others and could help them more easily adjust to the drastic differences between here and there. I would really like to be that bridge, :) so that many more Chinese people could be loved upon. The darkness is incredibly strong here, but Papa is WAY stronger!!! More still needs to be revealed to me, and if you feel led, you could lift up these things for me. It would be appreciated. I know that Papa wants me in the US for another school year, but after that I have no clue.
Okay, my plethora of tears have stopped and my heart is peaceful. I think I'll call it quits now. Love Papa and love you guys -- Amanda Kay
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I planted, Apollos watered, but God all the while was making it grow and He gave the increase. 1 Corinthians 3:6
Comments
By Michael James Craig on Sat, 30 Jun 2007 07:20:29 GMT
it's amazing to me how God works in subtle ways, like with crystal and her sister finding you, out of 2 billion people at that, and how simple acts of kindness can break the ground for the seeds to be planted. oh... and i just realized how glad i am that you don't "tYp3 LyK3 dIs" (type like this). :P oh, and how often you blog. i'm trying to keep up. :) well, just keep on truckin' for Jesus is all i can say really. take care.
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