Some more meaningful (to me) quotes

“I know who we are today is not who we must stay.” --- Me (6.6.2007)

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“Thank you for loving me.” – Janell Gushlaw (5.16.2007)

These words mean a lot to me. You are helping to change me so much and teach me so much. I won’t post all of the specifics here as that is something special for just the two of us to know, but just wanted you and others to know how grateful I am to have you in my life. What a gift you truly are!

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“Life is a chain of decisions.” – Dorie Green (May 2007)

:)

- June 23, 2007 (7:45 AM) -

About five minutes ago I woke up. I passed by the only mirror in this house as best I can tell and just had to smile and laugh at myself. My eyes were so little because 7:40-ish AM is very early for me, and my hair was going all over the place; it has been wild lately. I thought if others saw my appearance now how funny they must think I'd look because I'm so tired. Then I thought how good it is to be able to laugh at myself so early when it was so difficult to stop crying only a few hours ago! :)

Harriet didn't sleep all night I think. She actually left me in the room alone. She told me last night that this was what she must do --- give me time alone --- although her not being in here (her room) with me was very unexpected and not requested. I think I can hear her singing now just outside the room. If so, that's a wonderful thing because it means others are hearing a song for Papa that three weeks ago she'd have pretty much only sung in her room though her heart longed to share about Papa. I think now I can hear her praying just outside. There are others there in the other room with her which means that they are likely hearing her pray. Perhaps it is only my heart and imagination that makes me think she is doing these things just outside this room ... BUT what HOPE they give my heart to think that she will soon, if she is not now, be leaving her room a lot and spending less time alone to fulfill her heart's greatest desire --- sharing about Papa to reap a harvest.

I shared with her yesterday night in that waiting time that I used to be like her --- alone and in my room a lot with just me and Papa. Now, I know I cannot be that person very much. Our mutual alone and in our room time is not bad and was not unnecessary perhaps, but I think Jesus the Christ desires for us both to be out among the people now simply showing them our love and engaging in their lives so that "by all means some may come to Christ." Run Harriet, run with our Papa and be very effective as you grow from being the crawling baby to the full-grown, mature Olympic sprinter! I love you a lot, and you will be missed but not forgotten. Perhaps in a year, you'll get your heart's desire and your "treasured pearl" will come back to minister alongside and with you. Perhaps ... but I simply do not know for now when or if that desire will be fulfilled. Let's just be mature and effective wherever Papa plants us! :) :) :)

Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow

"Parting is such sweet sorrow."

- William Shakespeare (Romeo & Juliet)

Today was my last full day in Shenzhen. It has been a wonderful one. It has come to an extremely emotional end though!! It does not seem that a little over three weeks has passed since I first came to both China and Shenzhen; to me, it is as if years have gone by here and now. Perhaps that is because I have been gone from China for just over four years. The last time I was here, I spent nearly a full year here. So, though I have stayed in contact via phone, email, different chat programs, and pictures, I have had so much catching up to do with the multitude of beloved ones that I left behind here four years ago. Honestly, I didn't want to leave China last time ... BUT it was my dear Papa's plan and necessary changes and good came from me being back in America. I am thankful that HE sent me back, but I knew when I left (as did some others) that part of my heart was also left behind here.

Today, I got to relax at Starbucks and enjoy a double espresso with some banana syrup in it; they have these wonderful banana lattes over here at the moment. :) I enjoyed the drink with a friend who had never had express o before and got to catch up a lot with another friend named Crystal. Four to five years ago while teaching English, I somehow met Crystal. She was never my student, but she ran into some hard times and asked painfully if she could live with me.

My school owned the apartment I lived in. I didn't ask their permission about her staying and never told some other folks about her living indefinitely with me; I wondered if it would get me into trouble, and it did scare me somewhat. I just knew that I honestly had to help her because the ONLY other option for Crystal was living on the streets, and I couldn't do that to her though she was a stranger. She stayed several months with me as did her younger sister for a time. I shared my understanding of Papa's son with her and never knew what really happened after that in Crystal until today.

Man, it was a good time with her filled with so much joy!!! We left Starbucks and had lunch at this wonderful restaurant over a delicious lunch! :) I came to learn that many seeds of love (by Papa's grace) were planted in her heart which led to other god things which led up to last year. Last year, Papa miraculously spoke to Crystal and showed her that He had to be real; he became her king. In the meantime, her sister has also become a Christian, and a Bible I gave to Crystal years ago was given to a former roommate of hers which also led to salvation. Papa is SO GOOD!

That brings me up to tonight. Tonight, I had a dinner date with Kathleen (my very close friend) and her boyfriend Tommy. They were late, and Harriet and I were early which resulted in Harriet and I having much time to talk. Harriet nearly always has many questions for me about Papa, his book, and his way of doing things. I really wanted to see Kathleen and was struggling with Chinese culture a little and struggling with not getting my way a lot. I spoke with Papa about both, but it was all still hard none the less. Mostly during the wait I just got to encourage Harriet to grow more and trust Papa. She follows him, but she's in this funky growth spurt time like when a baby goes from crawling to first walking. I am thankful that Papa gave me so many understandable and funny parables to teach her! I felt like His Son when he taught others with his stories.

Harriet had to go teach English tonight, so though invited, she didn't get to join Tommy, Kat, and I for dinner. Well, this dinner was most definitely a gift to both Kathleen and I! We deeply love each other, but this time in China we haven't gotten to spend much time together. Plans literally changed during the night for this dinner to even come together. I almost am about to cry as I write about the dinner. My Papa astoundingly blessed me with one of the most costly and delicious dinners I've ever had!! He poignantly reminded me of Jesus, his death, and his blood being preciously poured out for my salvation. I deeply and with sincere heartfelt gratitude thanked Him. He gave me true Western food in a true Chinese bar and night club. That is really where we ate. I tried at first to talk my friends out of dinner there, but I couldn't do it successfully for reasons that are hard to explain. I told Kat as we walked into the bar (which was extremely dark) that eating there showed me that Jesus was really changing my heart because in the past I never would have eaten dinner in a bar. I am glad that I am in the midst of some of the most profound changes ever in my life!

Well, after dinner we walked back through the restaurant part of the bar into the night club part of the bar to go outside to meet Harriet so that I could go home with her. I saw one of the biggest Chinese guys ever as we walked out; he was the bouncer, and he opened the door for us. Right after we walked out, Kat asked if I wanted to buy some peaches. I think she knows (and if she didn't before she does now LOL) that my favorite fruit are peaches. Guys, I cannot express to you unless Papa supernaturally allows you to see my heart raw how deeply my heart was broken for our peach seller. I knew in my heart that I had to buy some peaches though I was not hungry. I know these words will be almost meaningless --- really and truly --- unless seriously, Papa works in your hearts, but I will try to let you see my raw heart. My peach vendor was this sad, 12 year old boy selling fruit with his mom on the streets at 10 PM! How wrong is that!!! I bought two extra just so he could have a little extra money. He eagerly grabbed the money, and I walked away with a troubled heart and tears forming in my eyes. My heart like perhaps never before was shattered. Even now as I write tears come again thinking of him.

My heart was/is shattered for two reasons. The first is this ... this boy and people like him that are abundant here are why I come to China. There are about 2 billion people here and yet so few for thousands of years are willing to come here to tell about the only One who can change things. Yet, I am but one person. I believe that there is much that I can do here, but I am limited. I pray and yearn for many more to leave behind, no matter how painful (and painful it will be), friends, family, favorite foods, television, and limitless trivial things of the world that can and do snatch many away from telling those in darkness of the only true LIGHT.

The second reason I know that my heart was shattered tonight in an immense way is because when I return in a little over a month that there will be much that you who read will simply not understand. You will want to understand and be glad that I am "home" ... but I know it to be true in my heart SO deeply because I have seen it happen many times before that you simply cannot understand. You will gladly spend an hour perhaps looking at my pictures and watching my short videos, but how in the world can an hour or even several weeks catch you up and make you understand things that you have never smelled, never tasted, never seen in person before? It is impossible unless my Papa supernaturally lets you understand. I want you to understand very much both all that I go through here and all that is now my heart. I don't want to be hurt when you don't understand, and I KNOW that you would not purposefully want to not understand me. But, I know that you have your own lives and jobs and possibly even families to take care of too.

And so right now, the only solution I can see in sight is Jesus simply comforting my heart. I have cried for over an hour off and on and tried so many times not to be too emotional tonight, but my grief over several things continues to overwhelm me. I know that by the time I am able to post this to my blog that several days will have passed since I first wrote this in my journal. The circumstances make it to be so. Know that when you read this that Harriet tried really hard to comfort me as did Kathleen. I am thankful for their love and attempts to ease my brokenness and sorrow!

I do hope to come back some time to China again, but I do not know when my beloved Papa will allow that or if He will allow that. What I do know is this ... that more and more my heart yearns to bring others here with me. I know that I am still very emotional now, and so perhaps that is why I do not think my heart could take it if I returned alone to China again. More and more, I desire to be a bridge for other Americans who come here. I know that I still have an incredible amount to learn about Chinese language, Chinese culture, and China itself ... but I am a little further ahead of others and could help them more easily adjust to the drastic differences between here and there. I would really like to be that bridge, :) so that many more Chinese people could be loved upon. The darkness is incredibly strong here, but Papa is WAY stronger!!! More still needs to be revealed to me, and if you feel led, you could lift up these things for me. It would be appreciated. I know that Papa wants me in the US for another school year, but after that I have no clue.

Okay, my plethora of tears have stopped and my heart is peaceful. I think I'll call it quits now. Love Papa and love you guys -- Amanda Kay

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I planted, Apollos watered, but God all the while was making it grow and He gave the increase. 1 Corinthians 3:6

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Comments

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By Michael James Craig on Sat, 30 Jun 2007 07:20:29 GMT
it's amazing to me how God works in subtle ways, like with crystal and her sister finding you, out of 2 billion people at that, and how simple acts of kindness can break the ground for the seeds to be planted. oh... and i just realized how glad i am that you don't "tYp3 LyK3 dIs" (type like this). :P oh, and how often you blog. i'm trying to keep up. :) well, just keep on truckin' for Jesus is all i can say really. take care.

Tonight WE FIGHT!!!

Pre-dinner:

It is the Thursday night before I leave for Guangzhou. All day today I have been filled with joy and peace and eager expectation at what my wonderful and beloved Papa will do tonight. I feel deeply within my spirit that there will be victory tonight though I do not know what that victory will look like exactly. I just know that tonight I fight with Harriet against the ruler of this world and against his powers and pawns to love on those who are still within his grasp. I want my friends to be set free … But ‘tis only ONE who can set them free! I have prayed and asked him to do so; I just know on my part that I must love and plant the seeds that need to be planted into people’s hearts. If everyone comes, then there will be ten of us all together for dinner tonight. Some are my old friends/students and others are their colleagues, friends, or students. It is exciting to prepare for this most necessary battle against the darkness.

This afternoon when I arrived at Harriet’s I saw like the last five minutes of a movie called The Great Raid. It was very inspiring to see those brief few minutes. POW’s were set free in a most extraordinary way in this movie and long ago in real life too. It really put a visual before me of what tonight might be like and encouraged me all the more to fight for my King and prepare myself well as his soldier. I knocked on Harriet’s door afterwards, and the first thing I told her was, “Tonight we fight!” I explained what I meant which is not fighting against one another but fighting together as good soldiers against the thick darkness for our Papa. We are prepared and will leave soon with joy and excitement in our hearts.

After dinner:

Dinner was delightful tonight. Two invited friends came (Jackie and Jessica), and one brought a second friend (Rachel) who was also my former student. A third friend came after dinner and we will have lunch tomorrow. Harriet shared some verbally with Rachel. I mostly talked with Jessica and Jackie. Jackie loves to talk in English, am I am glad to say that things in his life are much, MUCH better than when I left China. I am very thankful for him to now be a kindergarten teacher; it is probably the most perfect job for him in China! Things in both Jessica’s and Rachel’s lives are well too. That is good as life in China can be super tough! In the end, I was unexpectedly blessed by Jessica. She misunderstood me and paid for our entire meal; I tried to convince her not to do so more than once … but I failed and I felt in my heart that if I continued to try and talk her out of paying that we would argue. That would’ve been worse in my eyes than her paying, and well, the other Chinese people would have seen a foreigner (me) setting a bad example and/or possibly establishing a bad stereotype of Americans. So, though I didn’t want her to pay, I let her pay.

My friends all needed to take some form of public transportation back home. Working those details out was interesting as people needed to go in opposite directions. After maybe 20 minutes, things were all worked out and goodbyes were said. That led up to me and Harriet waiting with Jessica at the bus stop. Everyone else caught some other form of transportation. The brief time with Jessica was really amazing. In those few short minutes, Harriet asked a question (which I don’t remember now) that gave me the opportunity to give Jessica a Good Book. :) Seeds were planted and contact information exchanged over dinner; for now, those seeds just need to grow and be watered in pr. Who knows what my dear Papa will do next because those seeds were sown in love and joy and laughter? Victory is coming though! :)

Comments

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By Sonjia Lou Johnson on Tue, 03 Jul 2007 07:31:22 GMT
Ding, ding. I am glad that you showed proper restraint. We both know how passionate that you can be and that is not always in your (or your friends') best interests. Love you lots.

Is He Your Lover?

A couple of days ago I got a very brief email from a precious friend. The whole email was in fact only one sentence long! That brief email though sparked something immediately within my mind and heart. What was sparked was the thought about how God is always so worthy of our love and worthy of glory, and yet sadly, like 99% of the time, we don't give him either or both the love and glory that He deserves. Yesterday and today that thought was still very much so upon my mind, heart, and spirit.

My friend Harriet who's over here has recently encouraged me to reread SOS. I have been doing that kinda slowly. There is still so much that I can learn from that book about completely different issues from why I recently read it. One thing that I've already gotten from my second read of SOS is related to the first paragraph. This time, in the little that I've read, I see the Shulamite passionately calling out to her lover. She is screaming out to him (though not literally), "LOVE ME and BOY, DO I LOVE YOU and WANT TO BE LOVED BY YOU!!!!!" I like her want to be taken into the King's chambers to spend time with him intimately showing him and giving him passionate affection! I need to do this often and daily.

And so, having said all of that, I ask you to consider if Jesus is your Lover and King. I ask you to consider why you do things like read the Bible and pray. Is it out of a heart filled with love and joy and passion for the Lover of your SOUL or is it out of duty or because it is just the "right" thing to do? I too am considering these things now in my life and know that I want to do all for Jesus out of ravishing love rather than duty or because He gives me stuff. I have tasted both sides, and only the loving side is truly sweet. May you run the race set before you well and with no regrets.

Love - Amanda Kay :)

Pray for my Dinner Party Please & Beijing Plans

Hey guys! :) For those that read this in time, please pray for my dinner party on Thursday night (my time 7:30/your time 5:30 AM Thursday morning). I have invited many people to have a fancy dinner with me. Some are my friends whom I have yet to see in Shenzhen and some are friends of theirs. There will be about 10 people in my dinner party. This is kinda like a last hoorah in Shenzhen for me too as I leave on Saturday morning for Guangzhou. I will take the bus there with at least one friend.

Secondly, I will be in Beijing in July and August. There is a guy there who rescues abandoned children from the streets and amazingly cares for them. His last child was a mere two days old when rescued! He is very excited that I am coming to help out! I am thankful and amazed that my lovely Papa is giving me this opportunity to care for these children soon. They are all disabled I believe as well and range from two months old to age 11. I will simply be teaching them more English and taking care of their basic needs alongside some Chinese women. He would like for me to come asap, but I need to go to Guangzhou, Meizhou, possibly Fuzhou, and Shanghai before I arrive in Beijing (BJ). Friends are there that I should visit. Papa is already leading me to go sooner to BJ, but I am not sure of when to arrive there exactly. He (the BJ guy) will leave for America soon, and it would help to let him know before he leaves when exactly I can arrive. So ... I ask that you lift up me so that I will have the guidance I need on Papa's timing.

Thank you all for lifting me and these requests up! It is TRULY appreciated!!! Must go now to spend more time with Papa. :-)

Happy Dragon Boat Day!! :)

Today is a holiday/festival in China called Dragon Boat Day. I do not know if the date is the same every year or changes based on the lunar calendar, but today is the day for the festival this year. I am celebrating it with Harriet, Penny (her English student who's about 50), Penny's husband, and Penny's son (who'd be in 10th Grade in America). Penny invited Harriet and I to go to the beach and eat seafood today. I eagerly accepted!!

And so, we left very early this morning. Harriet and I stayed up late talking, so we are both a little more tired than usual. Traffic was heavy within Shenzhen due to the festival, but then it cleared up greatly once we started traveling in her husband's car to the beach. We had to take a bus for about an hour to meet him first though. He was a super driver!! He drove so slowly and gently in his extremely nice and comfortable car. I was very thankful because it is not often that I ride in comfort around here, but that is okay.

Penny's husband is a member of the Communist Party and somehow also tied to the government. Perhaps it is because of his job; he works as a Chief Civil Engineer designing and actually constructing the buildings built locally but not exclusively nearby Shenzhen. He is also a fan of history and geography, and thus, we had much to talk about. Papa put it on my heart to talk with him much but to be very careful about what I said and to especially not offend or upset/embarrass him. And so, I obeyed Papa. (Daddy, you can celebrate this is you want. I am sure that it probably makes you feel better knowing that I listened to wisdom.) Her husband and I definitely disagreed about some things, but I chose not to really discuss or share the things that I disagreed with him on. I knew that I didn't need to argue with him and that that would be especially bad in this situation.

Harriet and Penny sat next to each other, and they got to talk a bunch too. Harriet was very helpful for both Penny, her husband, and I in regards to communication. Penny's husband didn't communicate with me in English (though he may know some), and Penny didn't say much to me in English because she is still learning a lot. Thus, without Harriet the conversations about geography and such mentioned above could have never happened. I think it was also personally satisfying for Harriet to be able to talk with Penny one-on-one as well.

Well, as all of this talking is happening we are driving from the city to the sea. As we traveled, Penny's husband shared with me some about the little towns that we passed through. They are mostly places of industry but are very rural. We passed through a lot of farm land, and the rice is close to harvest time there. That makes it look especially green. It was soooooooooooooooooooo incredibly beautiful!!! I think since I first ever saw the Chinese countryside six years ago that I have always been in love with it. It is simply that rustic and lovely to me and part of me yearns to live there one day!

I know that today I was given a very grace-filled and joyful day! I felt like such a kid at the beach. The beach had hot, white sand, rocks just off shore and some big ones on shore, and beautiful blue-green water with white-crested waves. Simple, Chinese tugboats drove by off shore contrasting the vibrant and astoundingly beautiful huge white clouds set in a perfectly sky-blue sky. We didn't stay there long, and that was good because of one part of the holiday's tradition that I didn't want to be around for. Then, we continued on to go eat yummy seafood. (If you want to know what I ate, read the Chinese food page on a different part of this blog a little later please.)

The wonderful gift of a day continued on with this hour-long or so ride through the Chinese countryside to get back to Penny's husband's office. Aside from the beach, I think this countryside drive may have been my most enjoyable part of the journey. My Papa made these places incredibly (to put it lightly) beautiful! I delighted from my heart in seeing the incredible creation and knowing that it was by His strong hands that all of it was made for His glory. I rode through paths with both lush green mountains AND strong, bare, rocky mountains. It is astounding to me how both can exist side by side here. There were little, bright flowers just off the roadside most of the way too. It was so enjoyable, and I thought a lot about how I wished all of you my friends could be with me on this ride. My camera's batteries were dead so the only pictures I have of the trip are on Penny's son's camera phone. He's going to send them to Harriet and I. Hooray!!!

Penny's husband had to stay in his office for a government meeting, so he couldn't drive us back to Shenzhen (SZ). He asked a friend to drive us back, and so, onward to SZ we went. When we arrived back there, Penny wanted us to go out to eat at a nice restaurant. This is the Chinese way of showing deep friendship and hospitality. It is hard for me to get used to this aspect of the culture as I don't care at all if I simply go eat a three RMB meal, but Chinese people especially those who want to be your very close friend and think that they are your very close friend would NEVER EVER take you for such a simple and cheap meal!!! To them, if they did that, it would be a most terrible insult to you! And so, we had another very nice meal.

Tonight after dinner I went shopping with Harriet to get a few necessary things, and when we came out there was this maybe three year old Chinese boy playing with a pink balloon. He was hitting it in the air and it came near me so I hit it back to him and played with him for a little longer. He really enjoyed it and came after me with the balloon when I walked away wanting me to play with him more. It was such a simple, childhood game, and it and he were so cute! Playing with him helped me to continue to feel like a little kid even longer and enjoy this amazing gift of a day a little bit longer.

I know am posting this several days after Dragon Boat Day, but I wish to wish all of you a Happy Belated Dragon Boat Day! Please continue to pr for Penny and her family so that they can be a part of the family that means the most to be a part of!

Hippie Days OR Happy Days?

But He (Jesus) needed to go through Samaria.

- John 4:4

At the moment, I am so excited to write this! The past two days have been so rockin!!! (Kat, send me an email, and I'll explain "rockin" to you.) I have seen Papa's grace abound mightily and known that his lovely and precious son was in my midst with Kat and I as we visited Maggie in Danshui, a suburb of Huizhou (an hour by bus from Shenzhen.)

In the past, people told me I was a hippie. In the past, I wanted to be a hippie! I admired their free way of living or free lifestyle. Their typical lifestyle makes me think of floating in water. I have been a naturally good floater in regards to swimming since I was a child. I truly enjoy floating in water and drifting downstream like at Turner's Landing or in my grandma's pool. While floating, I enjoy just letting the sun shine upon my face and the wind flow over me. For me, it is one of the most relaxing things I can do and an easy way for me to literally enjoy God. It makes me feel so comfortable when I float. I say all this not to ramble but to try and give you a picture of how I felt while on this recent trip with Kathleen (Kat); I felt highly content deeply within and throughout our stay. What wonderful feelings! :)

And now, let me tell you about Maggie. She is an English teacher in a bustling but not highly developed rural area. She is now in her early 20's but was once one of my Oral English students five years ago in 2002-2003. I don't remember her during that time and only had an old picture to go by to help me remember her. She doesn't look like the girl in that picture now though; she looks extremely different as if the picture is of another person actually.

Maggie has taught English to very young students (maybe ages six to nine) for about three years now. Her salary is low, and she struggles with teaching confidently. She regrets not being a better student in the past when given boring English lessons (which she thinks might have helped her now). In some ways, I think she honestly thinks she is a bad English teacher. This girl has heart though!!! We spent a long time discussing English grammar and correct pronunciations of words in both the British English and American English ways of speaking. I answered many of her questions. All of this was done out of love to help her become a better teacher and help her become more confident.

Maggie struggles greatly with depression. It is oppressive, highly oppressive (demonic even), and has been within her mind and heart for many years. She has prayed at times for God to help her (though not a part of Papa's family yet) and asked that he take it away ... but freedom seemingly has never come. Maggie knows some about Jesus and his death. She mentioned his blood and sweating blood just before his arrest in the garden. I do not know how much more she knows aside from this though. While with her, Kat and I read John 1 partially. We invited Maggie to read with us if she so desired, and she so desired. Papa gave me SO much grace to speak gently, clearly, and wisely to her so that she could understand what we were reading. Kat helped translate some too when needed but felt that I should share more than her.

Today, Kat and I visited her school and two of her classes. We missed the first class completely. (She teaches three classes.) Many of the students at the school had never seen a foreigner before. They looked at me. They stared. They waved and laughed when I waved back and walked by them. I spoke English and Chinese to them and played with and loved on them. It was wonderful!!!!!!! I think I gave a little girl her first ever hug; she loved it! I had heaps of fun to teach these students, sing with them, play games with them, and eat lunch with them. They wanted me to stay and teach them more, but I could not do so.

There were two best parts for me about visiting Maggie's school. The first was seeing about 30 Chinese students laugh and move and run some in their classroom (even though they weren't supposed to and were told this more than once) and SMILE when we played a simplified version of Upset the Fruit Basket (a game). (This is soooooo not how you teach in China if you are a Chinese teacher!) My second favorite part was the 45 minute or so talk with only Maggie, Kat, and I just before Kat and I left to return to Shenzhen. It was deeply personal. Maggie cried and was very sad. I made her and all of us laugh at one point because I said the wrong thing in Chinese. It was really funny because I started things off with, "Listen. Really listen ...", and then I made a mistake. I am glad I made the mistake by accident and that it brought joy into our intense (in a very good way) conversation. It was definitely hard to part ways because the three of us did not want to be apart again. Perhaps we'll all get to travel together soon. It is all of our desires to do so in July. Please pray for Maggie.

Aside from all of this, I was also on the trip with Kathleen. She and I met in 2002 on my original return trip to China. She also was a student of mine but quickly became much more than that. She is and was a very close and special friend to me. We have stayed in frequent contact in the four years that I have been back in America. We both longed in our hearts to be with each other daily and as much as possible during this stay for me in China. But ... Papa had other plans. We have spent some time together but only a little bit of time.

I can say without a doubt that Kat understands me very well! She is my sister (meimei), and I am her sister (jiejie). At times, though younger than me, she is my Chinese mama. She laughs when I call her that. (And I am sure that she is probably laughing now as she reads this. She tells me that she checks my blog daily.) She is a source of comfort here because she just knows who I am without me even having to say much to her. It is amazing to me how much of me is a part of her actions and personality now when we only spent about a year together with each other four to five years ago!! I never would have realized that aside from seeing it on this trip. As of now, she is the most Americanized Chinese person I have met. I feel extremely at ease with her.

Getting to be with Kat, my dear Huan Yun, was such a delight and joy for me! I was really hyper for the most part with her and talked sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much with her. Despite being incredibly tired last night, I stayed up talking with her for probably two hours getting tireder and tireder (I know it's not proper to use those words) before this switch flipped in my body to super hyper. Thus, the talk continued late into the night. We stayed up having an impromptu slumber party talking until 5:15 in the morning in fact! What a joyful chat for both of us! I know I'd do it again in a heartbeat. :) I was just that excited to talk to her on our bus rides too, maybe even more excited!! We truly enjoy and love each other on a deep level. I wish everyone could have this kind of friendship!!!

So, would I rather have hippie days or happy days? I'd choose happy days hands down. I don't want to be a hippie any more, but I do want to always LIVE in Christ's freedom! I hope to live that way daily! :) El fin.

Please Pray for Me

This is my last week in Shenzhen, China. On Saturday, I plan to travel back to Guangzhou (GZ) by bus with one or two friends. This week is somewhat full already, and there are friends who still want to see me before I go to GZ. I will leave at 7:30 or so in the morning to go visit one of Harriet's students. We are visiting her beach house. Her name is Penny. She has heard about Papa before, but when her husband found out, he forbid her to continue in the Truth. Harriet and I are hopeful about her returning to the Beloved. I also hope to see a friend/former student named Jackie later this week. He too has heard a lot, but as of my knowledge now, doesn't walk in the light. I really have heart to see this guy come to JC. When I lived in Meizhou in 2002-2003, he had it REALLY rough for lots of reasons and almost commited suicide one time by jumping off of my seventh floor balcony; he was VERY close to doing so! I also ask that you pray for a friend/former student of mine named Maggie. Kathleen and I spent a night and half a day with her the past two days. I will write more about that trip in another blog, but for now, just know that she really needs to have Him lift oppressive depression and sorrow out of her heart. It is strong within her, but as Kat and I both encouraged her separately, Papa can change all that and give her joy. She would like to travel with me in July, and I would VERY much like that for her as well. Thanks for all that you lift up in my behalf! :)

Impatience & Culture Clash

... Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath ... James 1.19

Yesterday I battled impatience and didn't do well. I knew shortly after I woke up that I was impatient, and so I prayed and asked God for help by making/giving me patience. Patience is a fruit of the Spirit; love is patient, and Jesus was patient. Then, my day continued on.

Now, what I haven't mentioned yet is that about an hour after I woke up I had planned to meet a friend for lunch. (I woke up very late yesterday.) She only had a short time to be with me, so time was of the essence in my mind. For the first time since my return to China, I awoke functioning on American time. Well, another friend was to go with me for lunch to meet my other friend. I really love both dear friends and hope to love them more. So my friend (the first one) went to meet my second friend with me. (This was their first meeting ever.)

I will spare you the sad details of what happened in the next hour. What I will tell you is this, I sinned greatly, continued to struggle with impatience, and after an hour was still walking around with my two friends without any lunch. So, my two friends and I stop on the sidewalk. I tried some to not get frustrated or speak angrily/harshly with one of my two friends, but I did and realized that I had and was experiencing my first culture clash since returning to China. We actually had a second culture clash there on the street too. It was really bad!!!

Now I must say that while all this was sadly going down that my second friend is just standing there listening, and I can tell that this friend understands exactly what is happening from my perspective. If I explained why that was so, I'd reveal my friend's identity, and I am purposefully not using names so as to show honor and grace to both friends. Well, after several minutes of no progress on the sidewalk, one friend suggests we go into this little restaurant just across the street. I decide to give up on my other lunch plans (nice long lunch in a beautiful park) so we can simply go and talk over lunch for the remaining roughly sixty minutes.

So, we go and have lunch. One friend doesn't talk much while the other friend and I talk a lot. I try at least once to engage my other friend in the conversation (been odd-man out before), but my friend says that they are praying and don't join in much if any at all of the conversation. The time passes and all three of us go to take my second friend to the bus stop so that they can return to their workplace. My first friend and I wait until the bus pulls drives away.

Shortly after the bus leaves, we turn to walk away and my first friend tells me that they are very sad and begins to cry. It breaks my heart to see my friend cry, and I try to comfort them. I try, but I don't think that I comforted this friend too much because I had already hurt them greatly! We go on an errand and then return to my friend's apartment. We talk for about three hours after returning most of which was a continuation of our talk about the cultural clash.

Three hours later, my friend and I have hugged, asked for each other's forgiveness, and had our hearts raw before one another. It is like I told this dear friend --- cultural clashes are really bad but really good too. Sometimes without a culture clash, the two parties don't go to a deeper level of true understanding of the other party and only continue to see things from their culture's eyes. They are usually brutally ugly though too; this one was especially on a spiritual and emotional level. Our mutual great amount of sin only compounded the problem too!!! BUT ... praise Papa for his ability to take what is immensely ugly and make it so unfathomingly beautiful!!!!!!!

What an awesome God I serve and hope to truly love better and more and more so that times as yesterday do not come about. Pray that my heart, mind, and tongue will be soft and grace-filled. May all of these things be upon your mind and heart too when you are tempted to sin as I did yesterday.

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Comments

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By Ken Earl Johnson on Thu, 21 Jun 2007 09:39:08 GMT
You have MUCH patience, Piggums... Keep doing the work that You believe in... I think of You every day in the way that You want me to...Daddy.

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By Sonjia Lou Johnson on Thu, 21 Jun 2007 09:02:56 GMT
Most excellent scripture.

All for the Sake of the Gospel Websites

I don't know why I couldn't add this to my other blog. I have been having many computer problems and problems with my blog lately. It seems too important to wait several days to try and troubleshoot this problem another way, so I am posting here the links I have tried to include at the bottom of my last blog. May Papa richly bless all that you do in your fight against these evils!

Global Poverty, Prostitution, & Slavery --- www.worldvision.org

Forced Prostitution & Slavery in Africa --- www.ecmafrica.org

Kingdom Logistics

I spent several days with my friend and former student Shelby. She lives not too far but not too close to Spring (my friend that I normally stay with). One day I went out with lunch with her and two friends/co-workers. I was struggling that day spiritually. We went and had lunch and then I went with her and one friend to a car dealership. Then, she and I continued on to Lychee Park while we waited for her friend's car to get detailed.

The park was so large and lovely! I immensely enjoyed being at that park. Everywhere was beautiful, and there were so many different parts of the park. One part had nice artwork. Janell, I thought of you while I was in that part. There were also these two, large, gnarly rock sculptures in the park. Upon first glance of the first one, I was reminded that I am a work in progress in Papa's hands; upon first glance at the second one, I was reminded that He is in control and definitely working on me to smooth that which is still quite unshapely. Shelby and I even got to hear some singing and Chinese instruments play a little later. I liked hearing the erhu and violin play together more than the singing. Later, two of the people there even danced through several songs. More exactly their dancing told the songs' stories. It was fun to watch them dance and have a good time. It also reminded me again of how different Chinese dancing is from Western dancing!

Her friend and us eventually met up to drive back to Shelby's. Like I said, I was struggling spiritually. I listened to the songs on the radio. One came on that I had never heard before, but it really spoke to me. It turns out that the song is "Welcome to Wherever You Are" by Jon Bon Jovi. Would of never thought one of his songs would have spoken to me! We also drove past by a business that was called Kingdom Logistics. I have no clue what they do, but I was reminded that I want to live by Papa's logistics (his planning) and be useful for His Kingdom.

All for the Sake of the Gospel

Present yourself as slaves of righteousness for holiness. - Romans 6:19

I have just finished washing many clothes by hand and hanging them outside to dry. It is the usual way of washing and drying clothes here. My friend really likes things to stay clean, and so, I am trying to show her Jesus' love and care by doing this. I am also trying not to be sad today. As such, I have tried to encourage myself by singing a hymn and reading back over entries in my Chinese memory book. It helped some. Why am I sad? I have been in China 15 days, and today I am really missing my American friends and family and the good cooking. Still have six weeks to go in China and almost a week in Japan though before I return. I know that if I don't snap out of this mood that I won't be as effective as I could be too, and today is an important day for me.

The past two nights I have been disturbed emotionally. It is good though; it means that my heart is soft to my Father. Two nights ago I saw something while on a walk with friends that I had forgotten for four years. What did I see? (Take this as a warning guys if you ever come to China.) I saw a pink light and several ladies waiting to prostitute their bodies. I learned in one of my last two trips that nearly always a building in China with a pink light means that the building is a brothel; it's like in America if you see a building with a rainbow sticker at the bottom you know it's a place of homosexual activity. I honestly had forgotten about pink lights, and I honestly think the only reason we (myself and two friends) stopped right in front of it was for Papa to remind me. It broke my heart! I prayed for the ladies and guys that would go in and out of that building.

I thought of what I could do. I felt helpless, extremely helpless. I wanted to run back to the brothel and scream not at the ladies but at the horror of this injustice to humanity. I wanted to plead with the ladies to be set free and come out with me, but honestly I didn't think any would know English and I don't know enough Chinese to persuade them to come out into Jesus' freedom. So, I walked on with my friends in sadness and despair. I asked Papa to show me how I could help them. Later that night, when I returned to Shelby's I noticed for the first time that there were three brothels near hear apartment.

Things didn't end there. Yesterday I met my friend Harriet. We talked on the bus about this. She shared with me more of how rampant this problem is. I learned that many places disguised as places of business are actually brothels too. Harriet mentioned in her talk with me that many hair salons are actually brothels. Thus, the idea --- get my hair cut for the sake of the Gospel. You see, I remembered Jesus and how he was a friend to the prostitutes. I honestly just want to be these prostitutes' friends and knew that if Harriet came with me that she could speak Chinese to them and if it be Papa's timing that she could actually share the Gospel verbally with these ladies.

So, last night we went to two brothels to ask about getting our hair cut today. We found a third place maybe a brothel or maybe not (but definitely right beside them) that will cut our hair. I am excited to get my hair cut for the sake of the Gospel for the first time ever in my life! (I was really sad though that the brothel I wanted to get my hair cut in wouldn't/didn't do hair cuts.)

Something else disturbed me too ... something that quietly exits worldwide but that you usually don't hear about. Today I saw this news story on Chinese television. I asked questions to understand because the newscast was all in Chinese. The story was about guys, some very young and some very old, that were being kidnapped and then sold in China to a slave factory. These precious people were sold for such a low price, 300 or 400 RMB. Then, they were forced to work day and night to make bricks from mud. In addition to these horrors, they were also beaten often very badly and some at least were terribly burned. One guy's face was disfigured; perhaps he was born that way and not hurt while working as a slave, but it was terrible looking. The media got the story out, alerted the police, and helped to set free all of these poor slaves/people. Their slave boss was arrested too. I asked the guy that was answering questions for me if this was common in China. He said, "Yes. It is common in the provinces where there are coal mines." I can't remember the province that he named, but I think he said Shandong Province.

I have also been disturbed emotionally by something else I forgot about. I forgot about the beggars in China. They are abundant and most are definitely in need. Some do cheat people, but most would probably take your breath away if you saw them. For instance, the first Sunday I was in China I unexpectedly went with Spring to a Good Book study. Right near the gate were three beggars. The first was so horrifically burned all over that seeing him or her brought tears to my eyes, many tears. The second beggar was about a 30 year old lady with twisted legs and I think maybe cerebral palsy. She was there last time too ... in the POURING rain! These are only a few of the beggars I've seen in a mere 15 days.

This morning I saw a boy (I think) who was so incredibly dirty all over and whose shoes were amazingly tattered. He wasn't begging, but he was just sitting sorta dazed near a bus stop. I knew I had to help him, so I returned a few steps back with Harriet and gave him 10 RMB. I am glad that my heart breaks for these beggars and for the child. I know it is good, as I've had a hard, cold heart at times and know that this time I don't. Thank you Papa!!! Thank you for letting me give your money away to beggars in China!!!

I tell you all of this because after seeing the first brothel, my first solution of how to help them was to speak out and make you all aware of the problems and some groups that help. I was also reminded of a talk I had over dinner the Sunday before I left. One of my friends made a joke about mail-order brides, and I honestly spoke too harshly to him in front of others. (I asked for his forgiveness the next day so that I wouldn't further embarass him over dinner.) Why I spoke too harshly is related to the problems of prostitution and poverty though. You see in America, I've studied these problems a little, and so I knew that it was no joking matter but rather a horrific injustice against humanity. Poverty and prostitution (forced or consensual) and slavery are global problems affecting thousands if not millions of folks. And so, if you like me desire to fight such evils, then I ask that you check out the websites and organizations below. May God bless all of our fighting for righteousness' sake!

Love you guys and miss yall very much now!

--- Amanda Kay

Give to him who asks you, and from him who wants to borrow from you do not turn away. - Matthew 5:42

He who loves father or mother more than me is not worthy of Me ... And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it. - Matthew 10:37-39

Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. - 1 Corinthians 10:31

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Comments

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By Michael James Craig on Sun, 17 Jun 2007 17:59:38 GMT
wow... that is just nuts. i've seen the occasional begger/hitchhiker along i-10, but never like you described. never seen a brothel, much less a barber shop that doesn't cut hair. lol. that would be odd. we miss you here too. take care of yourself. -hugs-

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By Sonjia Lou Johnson on Sun, 17 Jun 2007 13:54:59 GMT
We love you and miss you too. Make a difference where ever you are (China or Marianna or any other place). JC said that the widow gave more than all the others even though it was the least of coins. Little is much when it is for the Lord. Love you much. Mama

Urgent - Meizhou Flooded!

I am doing fine, but I am asking that you who read this blog pray. From Saturday night until Sunday, it rained hard a combined 18 hours straight here in Shenzhen. Rain had already come days before that too (and since). I didn't realize until earlier this morning that things were truly horrible due to the rain elsewhere in China. My Chinese hometown of Meizhou (pronounced "May"-"Joe") has been badly flooded. Some people are dead and missing in fact because of the rain. It is that way elsewhere in parts of southern China too.

If you would like to check out the news stories or pictures I found about the flooding, click on the links below. I just ask that you really pray please. I plan on going to Meizhou in about two weeks. I have friends there. Thank you for praying!

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http://english.people.com.cn/200606/05/eng20060605_271199.html

http://es.noticias.yahoo.com/ap/20070612/foto/pwl-china-deadly-flooding-9-b6cd18311df80.html

http://edition.cnn.com/2007/WORLD/asiapcf/06/11/china.flooding/index.html

http://english.people.com.cn/200305/20/eng20030520_116924.shtml

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Comments

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By Sonjia Lou Johnson on Thu, 14 Jun 2007 13:32:48 GMT
You and they are in my prayers. Any word on the Bouts? I will remember their family as well. I will check with Brandon and see if they have any info. I will let you know what I find out. Love. Mama

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By Matt Eskuchen on Wed, 13 Jun 2007 18:10:27 GMT
I couldn't comment on my poem... so... I'm commenting near by. Thank you Amanda. I would love to hear you sing this. I have no problem with it being posted up here... Thank you again... I hope all is well. I finally got around to washing my gift, and I will wear it on my birthday... Thank you

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By Ken Earl Johnson on Wed, 13 Jun 2007 07:13:12 GMT
Piggums...I don't know what You think of my prayers...but I am praying for You... and thank You for knowing that I was worried about You... You are in my thoughts first and last thing every day...Daddy...

Birthday poem for Matthew Eskuchen

A Birthday Poem for Matthew

My friend Matthew is a poet,

And he surely does know it.

He takes his little notebook all around town

And when inspired words come, he writes them down.

For hours we could talk and not be tired,

But if he did that with me at Ruby Tuesday's he'd surely be fired!

We've known each other for not so long

And in America this poem would become a birthday song.

But, alas, I am without my guitar

It is miles away ... at present a bit too far

For me to play for my dear friend

And so this birthday poem, I do send!

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I am posting this a bit early because I did not know if I'd be able to post it by your June 15th birthday unless I did it now. Soon I will be busier and likely on another trip to visit a friend. Happy, happy, happy, HAPPY birthday my dear, delightful friend Matthew Eskuchen! You are missed and also thought of often. Hope that your birthday poem makes you smile really big!

Insights from Song of Solomon 5

Do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases. SOS 8:4

This is the last planned blog about my insights from SOS readings. For me, these last two chapters have been the hardest to read. I literally gulp every time I read Chapter 7. I know that God inspired these words and intended for them to be a part of the Bible, but for me, they are extremely difficult to read because of all of the sex and intimacy described. (If you've read down to nearly the bottom of my gianormous blog entitled Darkness Within Exposed to Papa's Light then you have a better understanding of why that is so.)

Okay, here is the first insight. God is very pleased with intimacy between a husband and wife, and He created it for them. Intimacy and sex are different, but both are gifts the Lord wants for a husband and wife to have and give to each other. I like how Paul puts it into perspective in another part of the New Testament.

At the end of Chapter 6, the Beloved calls out for his bride to come to him, and then in Chapter 7, he lavishes his love upon her. It was very easy for me to see how intimately he knows her and her body. The descriptions I leave for you to read if you are ready. Like I said, they are hard for me to read even though I was ready. I believe that only a husband should know and see his wife's body in this manner, and for me, it affects why and how I dress the way that I do and the daily choices I make down to little things like choosing a doctor. I don't know about you, but I believe my body is a very special treasure for one man alone (my future husband) and my God. So, for me to not actively protect this gift is a dishonorable act to both my Lord and my future husband.

The Shulamite's (his bride) response is incredible to me! She is SOOOOOOOOOOOOO not the woman he first married. She has been changed by his love and now seeks to give her love, sex, and intimacy to him. Aside from this, the Shulamite is also very wise and considerate of others. Maybe she is more aware of things because of her lack of love initially within her family and hard upbringing. In any case, she shares her wisdom with her friends, the daughters of Jerusalem. She tells them, "Do not stir up nor awaken love until it pleases." This is still wisdom and applicable for our lives though spoken thousands of years ago. How much foolishness, how much heartache, how much sin could be avoided if we merely let God be king and alone in control of two of mankind's greatest cravings --- love and marriage?

I very much like how in the end, her brothers are changed too. To me, they seem a bit gruff at the beginning. Now in Chapter 8, they seek to stick up for their little sister. That is awesome! May many more guys be like this! The ending continues with the Beloved again calling out for his bride. This time her earlier excuses are laid aside, and she is READY! WOOOOOOO HOOOOOOO!!! She is eager to be with her husband and lover. What a challenge put before us in these last two verses! Will we be ever ready in our lives and hearts to heed Jesus' call and lay aside any excuses that would hinder us from eagerly and quickly coming to him? I pray that it always be so in my life and your life too.

I am my beloved's ... Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm; for love is as strong as death ... Many waters cannot quench love, nor can the floods drown it. SOS 7:10, 8 6-7

Darkness Within Exposed to Papa's Light

This is the message we have heard from Him and declare to you, that God is light and in Him is no darkness at all … if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin. 1 John 1:5, 7

Well, I wish this were more positive. I like to stay that way, but today I’m being really honest and transparent with you guys and gals that read this. Mom, I think you’d be proud of me for doing this; you say that I tend to live in and desire utopia. This is a far cry from that in my dearly beloved Papa’s eyes.

Well, perhaps you won’t think what I’m about to write is quite so dark … BUT sin is sin and that’s definitely been sadly within. I don’t want to beat myself up ‘cause Papa and I have already talked about these things, and He’s graciously forgiven me. I just know that I need all who read this and who’ve been changed and washed in His Son’s blood to pray for me. If I don’t abandon myself into my very loving Papa’s arms and just rest there, then I know I’m gonna fall into the trap of self-pity and depression because I have a heart that yearns so strongly to be like and please my Beloved. I just can’t swim with the guppies; nope, I gotta plung to the bottom of the deep end of Dad’s pond where you can hardly touch or reach the bottom unless you swim with all your might and get His help too.

I know that many people in my past could basically only see me as this seemingly good person who could do no wrong. I think it (the misconception) continued throughout my school years. It was never true, but I was not fully honest with myself then and hid such dark sin better than I knew. So, I’d like to be the first to shatter the “goody-goody” image of myself if you weren’t already aware that that is not me.

Alright, I will get on with exposing the sin that has plagued me lately. (For those who like things short, I’m sorry that the reality of who I am is that usually I’m wordy and truly enjoy the long versions of stories best. Thus, four paragraphs were written to get here.) I have struggled with not being selfish or more specifically getting my way. I really want to serve the Chinese people, but either because of culture or because they see me as a guest and not simply a friend, then I am not getting to serve them as I’d like. Perhaps all this has to do with Papa also wanting to teach me new things too. This dilema/sin has really been bothering me like a lot though.

Secondly, I have been struggling with worrying. I have seen Papa provide for me in amazing ways, but I have been worried about money. Shenzhen is expensive, and most of the other places I’ll be going to are expensive too. I have enough for this part of the trip and all the other spots along the way. It is my flesh just screaming out, and I gave in to the sin of worrying. If only you guys could be here to see how responsive Papa is to my prayers and your prayers for me; it is AMAZING and Him just being Him!

Third, I have been anxious. That goes along with what’s above. I also see this in how I react to the Chinese driving. I don’t want to worry anyone (especially you Mom and Daddy) who is reading this, but the truth is most of the driving here is very bad. My friends would tell you the same. Sometimes, especially on the bus, it makes me sick too because it’s very jerky usually and driving like that makes me easily car sick. At times, I just have to close my eyes, pray, and not look at the traffic any more. I actually pray very often when I’m on the bus, in a taxi, or just walking for other reasons though. I don’t think I have much “street smarts” but all that I do have comes alive often when I simply walk down the street over here. Even when I walk on the sidewalk I can easily be hit by a car or bicycle of some form (there are many here that don’t exist in the USA) if I don’t take a few seconds to often look around me.

Fourth, I have struggled with pride. That is a three-fold problem for me. First, there is abandoning my will for the will of the Chinese people around me. Like I said earlier, I want to serve more but am not able to do so as I’d like. It also comes out in other ways. For instance, my thinking can be pretty bad because there are so many ways of doing things over here that are not wrong but are extremely different than how they’d be done in the West. I remind myself of that a bunch over here. Then, in regards to pride, there are days like yesterday where Papa just decides to keep humbling you. I didn’t react well at all to that. I didn’t like feeling foolish. I shouldn’t have reacted that way over something so trivial as picking up this yummy banana pastry with chopsticks and failing three times … but I did. I should have just seen it in the moment as an opportunity to let others serve me and enjoy Papa and his desire to teach me. That is the kind of heart and reaction that I hope and pray for next time He decides to humble me.

Lastly, I really struggle – like pretty much several times a day – with having a pure mind. I want to, REALLY want to, have a pure mind, but I put junk into it before I was a Christian, and I didn’t expose those mental struggles until much later. No wonder my years of mentally longing for someone to help me didn’t come to pass; no one knew of the struggles because they were locked in my mind! I challenge everybody to be careful what you watch on tv or in movies, what you hear music-wise and language-wise, and to simply never even touch or in any way seek out pornography. Listening to that wisdom would’ve helped in the past and to some degree not cause some of my battles now. I don’t know why, perhaps to test my faithfulness, but this struggle has been much harder lately. An old, dumb temptation (which I am too ashamed to name specifically) keeps coming up in my face after so long of not being there. I haven’t fallen to it. I just don’t want any of these temptations to keep being so pesky like those little gnats that just won’t fly away when you’re so tired and trying to fall asleep.

I think that about says it all. Hopefully no one still has those false conceptions of me if they’ve read all of this. I sure hope not! For me, it’s like I told my amazing and insipiring friend Christopher recently … I just wanna be real with people now and love on them and not have them think of me as the old Amanda. I never was that person in truth, and I’m certainly not that person now. Hopefully, by grace and out of concerned love and boldness within a friend who spoke deep, necessary truth, I’m becoming a down-to-earth lover. I still most definitely loathe sin, both mine and yours, but I do hope to love you better through it as Jesus would than I’ve done in years, months, and days past.

I wanna be in the light as you are in the light. I want to shine like the stars in the heavens. Oh Lord, be my light and be my salvation ‘cause all I want is to be … in the light. (dc Talk – “In the Light”)

… the darkness is passing away, and the true light is already shining. 1 John 2:8

Insights from Song of Solomon 4

Today I am out with Spring at a Six Flags-esque amusement park called Happy Valley or Happy Kingdom. (They have two names for the park.) In between rides, while waiting in line, and while waiting out the afternoon rain shower, I read SOS Chapters 5 and 6. Sorry that this has taken a while to post. I have also been experiencing many computer problems and strange problems posting things on my blog too.

Here are my first insights. When the Shulamite's Beloved came she was not ready. She offered excuses as to why she could not get up to open the door, and the Beloved left. When she did get up, he couldn't be found. Then, she was beat up by the world when she went looking for him. This teaches me that we must be ready for Papa and depend on His protection as the world is really and truly ugly.

I like how when her friends ask her to describe her lover that the Shulamite is ready. We too need to know who the Beloved is and always be ready to tell others about him. She tells her friends that her Beloved has been with her and describes him in detail. Can we say that we have been with him and describe him so well?

Her Beloved returns and is enraptured by her beauty. It is He alone that has made her beautiful. Now even his friends desire to look upon her beauty!

I think that these chapters are really just a challenge for us to make ready our lives and hearts for the Beloved. Will we be ready to offer no excuses when Jesus calls to us? Will we quickly open the door of our hearts to Him so that he can protect us from the world with His love and make us beautiful both to him and others?

Insights from Song of Solomon 3

"You have ravished my heart, my sister, my spouse; you have ravished my heart with one look of your eyes ... How fair is your love, my sister, my spouse! How much better than wine is your love ..." - SOS 4:9-10

This morning things were clearer than ever. It is with much joy that I share with you today's insights just before departing for a festive lunch and time with my friends Harriet and Spring. Please keep Spring in your "thoughts". She is a dear friend to me, and tonight we will spend time enjoying a festive meal with her co-workers and singing karaoke. I am excited for this opportunity to be with her and her co-workers.

Chapter 4 of SOS is such a statement of the Beloved's love for his bride. It is the same for us. Papa truly loves the Bride. I know in other parts of the Good Book that it says that Papa speaks good words over us. That is very clearly done here. My favorite part are verses 9-10. Can Papa say the same about us? Do we not just please but ravish (good word) his heart? I sure hope so ... and if not, then I want to change to do so! Simply put, almost all of this chapter is just the Beloved expressing to his bride, the Shulamite, how much he loves her. In the end (verse 16), the changes within the Shulamite can be seen more. She knows that she is loved now; however, she doesn't just long to be loved but also longs to show her Beloved how much she loves him. That needs to be our heart too ... longing with fervent eagerness to both express and show our love to the KING.

You guys have a good day. Miss yall and love you all. :)