Chanukah letter to you from NYC

Hello beloved friends who live outside of NYC,

I wanted to send a little update to all of you, and Happy Chanukah! I am in a sublease in Queens until Jan 6 and will be here during the holidays. Some of you know that I am in the midst of a major life transition as I pursue God's calling on my life to both live and work in the Bronx, particularly the South Bronx where there are IMMENSE needs. I ask for your prayers. Though I feel called to both, I do not yet have a new home or new job. After much prayer myself, I am not feeling called to live with anyone in my amazing church who already lives in the Bronx. It is very likely in fact that I will be living with non-Christians in the Bronx, and so, I also ask you to pray that I will be light to my new roommates. I trust God in this new journey but still need definite direction and wisdom. Pray that I will also continue to be wise with how I spend money so that I have all that is needed financially for my new place. Thank you all for praying!

So glad that my life has been woven into yours at some point pre-NYC,

Amanda Kay Johnson

PS: To get a quick glimpse into the needs of where I want to live and work in the Bronx, check out the following links: Hunts Point, map of where I want to live, Mott Haven.

Little Broken Pot (LIC Retreat)

I wrote this to friends the week of Thanksgiving after returning from a retreat:

This weekend was intense especially on an emotional level to say the least for me. I personally saw myself and others transformed this weekend before my eyes! Praise Abba for his mercy and faithfulness to his beloveds. I wanted you all to know that I have been praying for you by name on a near daily basis for weeks now on and will continue to do so; I deeply feel called to keep our community in prayer ... and so ... if there is something specific you would like for me to pray for you, please email me or call.

For those of you that were in my small discussion group, know that I will be sending you an email to get to know me better since I was just overwhelmed during our time together. I know I didn't say a whole lot this weekend, but I wrote a lot. I offer you a poem from Saturday that I wrote and a song that I wrote back during the UES/LIC retreat back in March which is where my journey getting to know you all more intimately began.

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Little Broken Pot

Little broken pot

you were perfectly created and
are beautiful
But time had come to
smash you and
join you with the other broken pots
Once a lovely clay pot
now you are millions of colorful tiles
each one added carefully,
full of love to the others,
and so becoming
a timeless tile mosaic
that takes the Artist's breath away,
enamored by the beauty
and joyfully mindful of the
individual worth and need for every single tile
in the priceless living creation.



There's A New Song In My Heart

There's a new song in my heart today,

a song of freedom and of love.

A song birthed out of broken understanding

of who my King is and of what He's done.

A song that calls me to love and forgive

no matter how I've been wronged.

A song that bids me to let all else go

and simply awaken to my Father's gentle voice.

"Restore us, O God; make your face shine upon us,

that we may be saved." (Psalm 80.3)

Precious

I watched the movie Precious this morning. Go see it if you haven’t already! It has inspired me to take inventory of what I value as precious in my life and spurred me into action. So, the following is my list of what I find precious:

- having close, healthy relationships with my family
- having an intensely intimate love relationship with Jesus Christ
- maintaining intimate spiritual accountability with strong Christians
- pursuing social justice (currently in the South Bronx but in truth) wherever God places me
- acquiring a master’s degree from Columbia University (Chinese Language and Literature) and New York University (Special Education)
- pursuing missions and international travel
- returning to China to teach English and continue in-person the friendships I have there
- daily living my life out with purpose for the glory of Abba

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
John Gibson
I saw Precious tonight...it was something else. Very disturbing and sad, but very realistic because I know those things happen to people. And yeah, like you it makes me thankful for a lot of what you mentioned above, especially healthy relationships with family. We are so blessed.
Didn't know you were going for your master's at Columbia and NYU. That's great. :) Just don't let the liberals brain-wash you. lol I'm only half-joking, btw...I seriously do hope you'll think critically and make sure you discern what's being taught against the backdrop of Scripture. That has to be our foundation for any fight/cause for social justice, etc.

I'm sure you already knew that, though. ;-) Take care and God bless.

YWAM Prophecies (11.27.2009)

While at JHOP in Manhattan, Lindsey and Lauren from the YWAM Hawaii base prophesied and prayed over me. (I had wanted to leave early and would have missed out on this prayer and prophecy but decided to stay because it was more worth it to be prayed for and prophesied over rather than getting home by 11 PM.) During the time of prayer and prophecy there was a continual, rolling spirit of peace and gentleness. I believe in all of their words and write this here, so that I can remember Abba’s faithfulness to me. Here is what the girls spoke over me:

- I am perfectly loved and made.
- A spirit of prophecy will be released into my life.
- I have a loving, gentle heart.
- There will be an increase of the Holy Spirit within me to love people.
- God is ravished by me, sings and dances over me, and LOVES it when I look at him.
- I will have a greater ability to hear God’s gentle voice.
- I will be an encouragement to others.
- I will be given the deep ability to go deeper with Abba and have a deeper “Yes!” to his will.
- There will be refreshment in my life.
- There is a continual, rolling spirit of peace and gentleness within me ... which is the Holy Spirit.
- The lies and pain spoken into me are now broken and there will be healing.
- There will be encounter with Jesus daily and divine appointment to love others.

JHOP: Justice House of Prayer (NYC)

I look around the room and I see people set free to use their gifts to the full. It makes me wonder how I can help my brothers and sisters live out their callings and giftings to the full. How can I spur on missional living, the work of the kingdom? How can I help people realize and grow in their spiritual gifts? Where/how do I need to mature? How do I help release Heaven on earth, in the present living now? What do I need to do to release in to others their dreams and passions?

Notes from at TGC sermon on sex (Fall 2009)

Current mood: awake

“The heart wants what the heart wants.” - Woody Allen

Sex has incredible power over us. It is a mistake to think sex isn’t a big deal. Lust makes you want something without a connection; love makes you want someone/something with permanence.

Sex heals because: it is the art of God, it is a gift of God to be opened and we should be open in intimacy, it represents a nakedness and intimacy with God that gets better with age, it embraces God’s beauty in us and in our spouse.

God rejoices over me!!! (Isaiah 62:5)

Worship: Encouragement Part II

I don't know about you guys, but recently I had one of those days when I was really needing some encouragement and finding it difficult to simply ENJOY and have my time with Abba rather than see it as (sadly) one more thing to do in the day. So, I offer you a few more thoughts on worship from Celebration of Discipline (by Richard Foster). May your day be brighter and you be spurred on to good works!

- Amanda Kay Johnson

Many times you will not "feel" like worship. Perhaps you have had so many disappointing experiences in the past that you think it is hardly worth it. There is such a low sense of the power of God. Few people are adequately prepared. But you need to go anyway. You need to offer a sacrifice of worship. You need to be with the people of God and say, "These are my people. As stiff-necked and hard-hearted and sinful as we may be, together we come to God." Many times I do not feel like worshiping and I have to kneel down and say, "Lord, I don't feel like worshiping, but I desire to give you this time. It belongs to you. I will waste this time for you."

Isaac Pennington says that when people are gathered for genuine worship, "They are like a heap of fresh and burning coals warming one another as a great strength and freshness and vigor of life flows into all." One log by itself cannot burn for very long, but when many logs are put together, even if they are poor logs, they can make quite a fire. Remember the counsel of Proverbs 27:17 that "Iron sharpens iron," and even rather dull lives can help each other if they are willing to try.

Holy obedience saves worship from becoming an opiate, an escape from the pressing needs of modern life. Worship enables us to hear the call to service so clearly so that we respond, "Here am I! Send me" (Isa. 6:8). Authentic worship will impel us to join in the Lamb's war against demonic powers everywhere --- on the personal level, on the social level, on the institutional level. Jesus, the Lamb of God, is our Commander-in-Chief. We receive his orders for service and go "... conquering and to conquer ... with the word of truth ... returning love for hatred, wrestling with God against the enmity, with prayers and tears night and day, with fasting, mourning and lamentation, in patience, in faithfulness, in truth, in love unfeigned, in long suffering, and in all the fruits of the spirit, that if by any means [we] may overcome evil with good. ..." In all things and in all ways we do exactly what Christ says because we have a holy obedience that has been cultivated over years of experience.

Willard Sperry declares, "Worship is deliberate and disciplined adventure in reality." It is not for the timid or comfortable. It involves and opening of ourselves to the adventurous life of the Spirit. It makes all the religious paraphernalia of temples and priests and rites and ceremonies irrelevant. It involves a willingness to "Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, as you teach and admonish one another in all wisdom, and as you sing, psalms and hymns and spiritual songs with thankfulness in your hearts to God" (Col. 3:16). So, go, even if you don't feel like it. Go, praying. Go, expecting. Go, looking for God to do a new and living work among you.

Worship: Encouragement Part I

When I was a part of the Brooklyn MC, my life group was reading Celebration of Discipline by Richard Foster (which I highly recommend). Well, I finally got back a copy of the book from the library today and offer you this humble gift from what I read today ...

Jesus answers for all time the question of whom we are to worship. "You shall worship the Lord your God and him only shall you serve" (Matt 4.10). God made clear his hatred for all idolatries by placing an incisive command at the start of the Decalogue. "You shall have no other gods before me" (Ex. 20.3). Nor does idolatry consist only in bowing before visible objects of adoration. A.W. Tozer says, "The essence of idolatry is the entertainment of thoughts about God that are unworthy of Him." To think rightly about God is, in an important sense, to have everything right. To think wrongly about God is, in an important sense to have everything wrong.

If the Lord is to be Lord, worship must have priority in our lives. The first commandment of Jesus is, "Love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind, and with all your strength" (Mark 12.30). The divine priority is worship first, service second. Our lives are to be punctuated with praise, thanksgiving, and adoration. Service flows out of worship. Service as a substitute for worship is idolatry. Activity is the enemy of adoration.

A striking feature of worship in the Bible is that people gathered in what we could only call a "holy expectancy." They believed they would actually hear the Kol Yahweh, the voice of God. It was not surprising to them that the building in which they met shook with the power of God. It had happened before (Acts 2.2, 4.31). When some dropped dead and others were raised from the dead by the word of the Lord, the people knew that God was in their midst (Acts 5.1-11, 9.36-43, 20.7-10). They gathered with anticipation, knowing that Christ was present among them and would teach them and touch them with his living power. When more than one or two come into public worship with a holy expectancy, it can change the atmosphere of a room.

Live throughout the week as an heir of the kingdom, listening for his voice, obeying his word.

With much love - Amanda Kay :)

Hebrews 10.24 - And let us continue to consider how to motivate one another to love and good deeds.

The Changing of Seasons

As quickly as June and July passed, August here dragged and dragged and dragged on and then came the sudden changing of seasons. Literally overnight the weather went from high nineties with a continual mugginess pervading the air to mid or low sixties with a biting crispness in the wind and air. That change ushered in thoughts that I had lived in NYC for one whole year and that my favorite season had arrived! I have loved Autumn since my childhood.

As a whole, the summer was quite interesting shall I say. It was a time of inspiration for my writing and poetry. It was spent doing and seeing things that I came to New York for. It was a time for growing relationships with friends here and better understanding male-female friendships and relational boundaries. I came close to having my first boyfriend. And, it was a time of immense pain and emotionality that has carried over to September. (There is so many intricate details I could give to explain those prior sentences; if you want to know more just ask as sharing in mass just seems the wrong forum.)

I’m starting to get more emo as I write this now, so please pardon. I am still jobless but have interviewed to teach music and art to kindergartners and first graders at a brand new school in Brownsville, Brooklyn. It is about ten minutes from my current home. I will be moving though to another borough, Queens, in about two to three weeks. I feel that the job is mine, but there are still hoops to jump through which I don’t enjoy going through. I don’t know how many of you knew about my other interview in The Bronx for a position at a K-8 school, but I didn’t get the job because expected positions never opened up. I would have been working at the same school as my friend Nathan. What a pity, but it is for the best.

Aside from moving and waiting on this job, the month will be busy with lots of events. I am in a walk and run on 9/27 to raise money to eradicate the trafficking of children as sexual slaves. NYC probably has them as one of the airports here is a known entry point for sexual slaves and human trafficking. I am trying to raise $150 total. If you’d like to contribute you can click here. Even if you don’t contribute financially, I ask that you pray for myself, the walk and run, and the eradication of those trapped in sexual slavery. I will also be going on a few trips/retreats with my church to scenic spots nearby which seems very needed right now in my life; being in a quiet, beautiful spot with lovely nature surrounding me always is a place I experience God and his joy.

I really believe that coming to New York City about 13 months ago was and is definitely part of God’s plan for my life though this has been a very hard first year in many ways and an especially hard past month. I can see so much growth and maturity in me spiritually-speaking. Being here shows me my giftings more clearly and allows for them them to be used and naturally strengthened. I am glad to have learned and experienced unconditional love from my Abba and friends on deeper levels. I am glad to be living my dreams here and understanding more clearly who I am as a person. I miss my family and other friends though very much and look forward to the day when we can visit face-to-face with one another again and yall can give me some much needed hugs. TTFN. :)

The World's Richest People Are In Haiti (Scholarship Contest Essay)

100 Word Abstract:

This essay highlights the writer's life changing experiences in southwestern Haiti during July 2008. The writer offers the reader two atypical solutions to poverty --- openness of mind and unconditional love.

100 Word Biography:

I am 29 year old teacher and writer who generally spends her summers traveling the globe. In July 2008, I traveled to Haiti. My experience was life changing. Winning this contest would be another life changing experience and provide the opportunity for me to get a masters at New York University so that I can continue teaching in New York.

The World’s Richest People Are In Haiti

by Amanda Kay Johnson

Entering their world ... I was about to enter their world ... in Haiti. I would spend six days loving on and caring for children of all ages in an orphanage in Desourcee, a southwestern village. I went with excitement and an inability to speak much French. Little did I know it, but they were about to change my world.

I don’t really remember having any expectations for my trip before going but simply an open heart for the people there. I had read or seen news stories of Haiti many times. They all lead you to believe that the people are some of the world’s most destitute, that the country is full of voodoo, and that the countenances of people living there are as bleak as their country is barren. These are not the thoughts that I would take back with me when I returned to America six days later.

I know six days can seem like a short time; yet for me, they were a vast expanse of hours and minutes. In that time I lived with, played with, sang with, and worked alongside bright spirited people who were full of warmth and hospitality. Their smiles and happiness seemingly never ended. In Haiti if people have food or money, they share it with their family (which are usually very large, say eight to ten people) and their neighbors. Haitians that are in America work not only for themselves but also to send money back to folks in their homeland. They have joy and contentment with few material possessions. Seeing all of this challenged me personally to continue to be nonmaterialistic and to continue to give often to others.

In the orphanage and village of Desourcee I met many children. I saw that the people gravitated consistently towards the blondes. I however, am a redheaded girl. I tried to put that observation aside and love on the people well. One day I met a girl about two years old named Francessca who was underdeveloped and still unable to walk. The little girl and her mom came to see old friends but chose to also love me. I was amused that her mom lovingly walked up to me, gave me a kiss, and immediately placed her daughter in my arms though we were complete strangers. Through this interaction and others later on in the week, I learned just how tremendously open and loving the people are here. I was struck that they are much more close knit than American families and really take care of everybody.

There were other things to learn such as it being quite the myth that the people of Haiti have bleak countenances. On the day I interacted with a church there, the large mass of people sang with an abundance of voices that abounded full force from their hearts and danced joyfully to the steady rhythmic pulse. They truly worshiped God brimming with happiness and hope that their needs would be completely met. During this interaction, I was able to share with the people who had gathered that I truly found Haitians to be inspirational people. To me, they are the richest people I’ve ever met because they have learned to find contentment not in stuff but in helping others, sharing, and living simply! Haitians embody to me love, friendliness, and openness to others.

On another day while in Haiti, I traveled with others to the mountainside. During my bus ride I saw houses walled in by gates topped with broken glass, trash everywhere, and people abounding in or near the streets. Although these scenes contrasted my American city, I realized that I didn’t feel like I was in a foreign country. That feeling of “home” abided within me throughout my stay. Though cultures and languages were different between myself and those I interacted with what was mutual was the idea of genuinely accepting people for who they were. I really think that me trying to approach things with a local Haitian mindset helped me also keep that feeling of “home.”

So what lessons do my stories and six days in Haiti offer towards eradicating poverty? My time overseas convinces me that openness of mind and unconditional love for others are pivotal. Without both I think any practical actions toward helping those living in poverty can only be empty and heartless. People, especially those in poverty, must be treated with dignity; thus, to offer a “solution” but not empathy is meaningless. Can simply entering their world with the heart belief that you are both equals be the pebble that sends forth ripples upon the global pond and erases financial despairity? Perhaps it is far fetching, but I say “yes!”

Help eradicate slavery in our day!

Dear friends,

I am going to be in a walk and run on 9.27.09 here in NYC to raise money to eradicate the trafficking of children as sexual slaves. Currently, over 2 million children are enslaved around the world including in EVERY one of the 50 United States! It is surely happening here in NYC as JFK Airport is a known entry point for trafficked sexual slaves.

My total goal for both the walk and run is $150. To make a safe and easy online donation go to either of the addresses at the end of this message which will take you straight to my fundraising pages. If you would rather donate by check, please make the check payable to SCTNow, write my name in the memo section, and mail to: SCTNow, 414 West 51st Street, New York, New York, 10019.

Thank you for considering to support me and the Stop Child Trafficking Now campaign. If you have any questions about SCTNow, please contact me directly or visit www.SCTNow.org. I understand too if cannot give financially and ask that whether or not you give some of your money that you pray for myself, this walk and run, and for those trapped in sexual slavery.

Warmest regards,

Amanda Kay Johnson

http://sctnow.donordrive.com/participant/amandajohnson-stiletto
http://sctnow.donordrive.com/participant/amandajohnson-tgc

Where did July go?

Wow! Seriously, where did July go? My month (contrary to my brother's experience) FLEW by! In short, I spent three weeks learning how to incorporate blogs, wikis, podcasts, and other new technologies into writing assignments. I still don't have a classroom for this coming school year and am a bit puzzled as to how I can use all of these things with students, but it was an absolutely inspiring and fun class for me! It also paid my rent even though I haven't yet received the check in the mail. Then, I had the delight of being a part of an intense, week-long Holocaust conference. AMAZING! The last week was spent in Wilmington, North Carolina. It had been almost a year since I had seen my brother and his family or his best friend Scott and his family. The week was truly one of the best weeks of my life; it was extremely refreshing and healing! Thank you JESUS!

I know I'm usually long-winded, so I'm trying to keep this blog bare bones. Spiritually, the past five weeks have been pretty dry until my past week in Wilmington. Through the time with my family and friends and a book I finished last night (Redeeming Love), I saw things greatly change for me spiritually. I finally have grasped the wonderful taste of what unconconditional love truly is. For me, it means letting go of controlling others and myself ... something that I am sure others saw in me but that I was blinded to see in myself. I know my life is now forever changed ... thankfully! No longer is the huge log in my eye, nor am I trying to force out the specks in the eyes of those I was trying to love. Unconditional love. That is all I am simply after now no matter who you are or what you are or where you've come from. It's a good place to be especially here in New York City.

May the aroma of Christ pore forth out of me and may my Abba be glorified!

Hugs and love -- Amanda Kay

PS: Come see me up here PLEASE when you can. I know I am far away, and it's not a cheap trip, but I'm lonely and missing you all. I need loads of missed hugs too even from non-huggers. ;)

Back At Square One Ten Months Later

Current mood: adventurous

The long, hard year in Bed-Stuy is over! 179 days of being cursed out (usually multiple times a day), being disrespected and ignored, being unsupported too many times, being treated without dignity, being thought of as a female dog, and being the bearer of reverse discrimination and prejudice ... it is all over. Regardless of what anyone thinks about me or my classes this past year, I know with certainty that I accomplished my goals for the year as a teacher - to love others well, to be a light in a dark place, to give my all in everything I did, and to create a practical music curriculum for my school out of nothing. I do not regret enduring all of the above for I believe that I will likely never come to see the full impact of my work and time there and that the seeds I planted will work deeply into the lives of so many, planting hearty roots that bear much good fruit eventually.

Now life transitions into I know not what exactly. I got a text this week that was promising from a friend who teaches in the Bronx. He said his principal is going to call me next week. If I get the job, then I'd be co-teaching special education in a middle school classroom with my friend Nathan. It would be wonderful for both of us, an answer to prayers, and the crucial element currently lacking for me to start grad school this August. I really hope it works out! In the mean time, I go on with life taking in a major part of NYC culture this weekend and begin a paid three-week seminar in the Bronx on Monday. The rest of my summer promises to be fun, filled with time with my new friends, and full of adventure.

As for a summer job, I plan on taking time next week to pray some more and really consider my options (which abound because it's NYC). I am really thinking that this may be one of the few times when I have no clear direction and simply have to make a choice knowing that whatever I choose will be blessed. I don't say that lightly; I just know that myself and many others have been praying about my job and the summer since May, and I still don't know which option to take. I recognize though I HAVE options which in and of itself is quite a blessing! So my options are the following: working for MTV, working for one of the airlines based here, working for a summer camp here, working for Starbucks, and/or teaching guitar lessons to a friend's daughter.

I will also be considering where to move next in this city. I am really far away from my friends up here and greatly desire to move closer to them. If I stay where I am and get the job in the Bronx, I would also be SUPER far from work! I just don't want that combination. I'm also not sleeping too well here now because of where my room is located in the house. Light and sounds are magnified and shine intensely into my room. That means for months now, I've been getting woken up usually twice a day if not more. I would love to move to the East Village, but it probably won't happen because of high rental costs there. Very likely, I will move to the South Bronx near Yankee Stadium which would be fine with me.

I'm going to put this last part in here because I want to be transparent and share a part of how NYC has reshaped me. This weekend and for the rest of my time in NYC I really plan on making lots of friends with homosexuals. I want them in my life. I am going to two big events this weekend, the NYC Dyke March and the Pride Parade. I'm not gay, but I really want to see these events for myself and to show kindness to those there. They need friends too and lots of people show so much hatred to them simply because they are homosexual (even here in liberal NYC). It is wrong to treat people that way, and I don't want to be another hater in their lives. They've already had too many come into their lives anyways. There's a school here that is linked to a Harvey Milk organization; I'd like to teach there some day. I'd also really like to work/volunteer with an AIDS organization here. That is another major part of culture and life here. I am so glad that AIDS and homosexuality can be openly discussed here rather than feared as it is in the South. I don't think having that mindset helps.

Well, that is the latest update. Will share more when I know more. Love you all and look forward to hearing from you.

Hugs - Amanda Kay

29: My Month of Madness

Been a while since I’ve been able to blog to you all and give you an update. Today is yet another busy day here in NYC, but my time here at a chess tournament in Brooklyn (Bed-Stuy to be exact) thankfully provides me with time to think and write you all. Obviously, April and May were busy, but I’ll break them down for you.

Well, all I really remember now from April is my long Spring/Easter Break. The schools combined it here due to the Jewish and Christian holidays. That meant that we got a 12-day holiday. HALLELUJAH!!! I had planned on going to Canada and Philly, but I stayed here and took in several sites in four out of the five boroughs. Many places have free or donation entrance fees which let me take in loads of sites for a fabulous grand total of $5. Pictures of the places I visited are in my album titled NYC Spring Break Tour (April 2009). Check them out and ask any questions you like; I’ll get back with answers asap (granted that may not be soon though).

April led into May, an extreme month of MADNESS!!! It was seriously packed before it even arrived especially the week of my 29th birthday. May was mad not only because it was completely busy but also because it was really horrible at work. The kids here go to school until the end of June, and early in May the hormones of puberty started kicking in along with really lovely days. That, in a nutshell, meant the kids gradually became increasingly more bizerk.

The kids here are already rough to teach. However, students started doing everything from calling me a racist, a liar, and shout other unrepeatable words at me to banging on the walls and shoving chairs and tables around the room. They failed time and time again to simply admit that they were wrong and making poor choices and chose instead to blame me and really hardcore hate on and disrespect me. We also had a lot of subs at school because of curriculum and standards planning for next year which meant that I became sacrificial lamb at my school for whatever reason. I also found out about two weeks ago that I will be losing my job because of lingering issues with my certification, budget cuts, and being the last one hired at my school. This greatly affects whether or not I get into a dual teacher certification and graduate school program called TeacherU.

All in all, May was also about spiritual maturation. These nine months have definitely been a firery crucible time for me. This last month, my Abba was gracious with me and opened my eyes to some big things. My eyes were opened to see how God’s priorities for my life here align with me living (hopefully soon) in the East Village. I don’t know much about the Village, but I know it is known for diversity and homosexuality. I would love to heavily invest and pour my heart into this community because it has been sculpted into a loving vessel that wants to befriend diverse individuals and homosexuals. I also had to come to a very tough decision to part ways with a close friend for an indefinite time until I am emotionally healed and gain wisdom on what a healthy male-female friendship looks like. This too is part of my spiritual growing up.

The month wasn’t all negative. There were however several positive highlights for May. The first was getting to prayer walk in Queens for the freedom of those in sexual slavery. It is so underground (brothels look like normal houses) and rampant here via JFK Airport as a major entry point. Second was volunteering for the New York City AIDS Walk; I got to set up and break down the course and cheer on several thousands of diverse walkers. I was filled with joy at seeing all of the diversity and lover amongst the thousands of walkers. Third, I was MASSIVELY shown the love from friends and family on my birthday!!! (I look forward to formally celebrating it in July with a combined beach picnic and minor league baseball game.) My final highlight was my therapeutic and rousing adventure last weekend at Coney Island filled with a front seat ride down the 75 year old Cyclone roller coaster, a freezing dip in the ocean, dinner on beach, and sunset train ride back to East New York, Brooklyn.

Well, the tournament is over. I am tired and needing some quiet down time now. Au revoir everyone!

Inspiration

I have been so inspired this month to write as so much has been on my mind. There is still so much more to share that I've already written, but I only have time to post two new poems before heading to bed. More will be posted soon I promise.

Spiritual Reflective Questions to Sift Through (A Glimpse Into My Night)

For what it is worth ... for the edification of the Body ... for myself and self transformation because of grace, I submit to you a glimpse into my night.

Love and be loved ... My beloved lover ... my mind is so full of thoughts tonight. I have cried so much while worshiping you with my brothers and sisters tonight in Chelsea. I have been reminded of my ugliness -- my sin -- that caused your death upon the cross. Oh lover, I feel ashamed that I caused your death and wonder why I don’t feel it’s sting more often. So often I am not reminded of what my price cost you -- death.

And so tonight, my mind is bombarded by these thoughts yet unanswered as delivered by Caleb:

What am I fighting for that God is not in? not important to God?
Am I leading people to God?
Do I recognize my heritage in God?
Do I recognize my rebellion against him?
What have I done that puts Jesus on the cross? Will I deny that I put Jesus there?
Do I see Jesus “interfering” in my life or am I humble and soft to let my life/heart be transformed from darkness to light? Do I let God lead me?
What am I blind to in my life?
Does anyone know God because of my life? What does my life say to others because of Jesus?
Where does my joy come from?
How do I reflect Jesus to others in my life?

As of now, I know that my heart and mind want to answer these immediately ... and yet part of me says that I need to let the weight of the coming changes ruminate in me, to be refined, to really sink in and penetrate the stoniness of my heart and mind. Oh Father, let my blind heart and mind be opened, penetrated, refined, transformed. Let this jar of clay be remolded into a storehouse for all that is good and lovely in you. Let the aroma of my life be pleasing to you and let your kingdom come in this evanescent lifetime that I have been given. Let this not be searching of answers to merely fill in the blanks but a searching for you, my ultimate Lover and Redeemer who makes ALL things new.

Since things won't get out my brain and off my mind ...

I'll let my pictures tell the story of what I've done in NYC since I last blogged in January. If you want more details on them, just let me know. Moving on ...

I have now been in New York City for a little over six months. The routines of taking trains and buses and rerouting on a regular basis and lots of meetings and long hours at work have become "normal" now to me. It's honestly had me feeling weird when things weren't full of conflict and coldness. I mean, I just know that I've finally reached the up swing on the U-curve we all go through when we transition into new experiences in life. Even still, I didn't expect it to hit me only six months in; I didn't know when it would hit me though or even truly expect it to happen. It's funny how months and months went by of me knowingly becoming a new, New Yorker Amanda only to feel strange in the end. Soon to cap it all off as a gift to myself, my NY state drivers license will arrive in the mail!

Realizing that I had been here six months after my vacation to the South recently began making my head spin with reflective thoughts about my time here and what normal life is to me now. Honestly, I know that I am blessed to live here. I am blessed financially to live on no more than half of what I made in the South each month yet live comfortably in one of the world's most expensive cities. I have been given so many new friends that are being knit deeply into my life more and more. Some will remain life-long friends though I'll likely live thousands of miles away. I see the artist and teacher and compassionate person thrive here as I live out so many of my dreams and get to literally help the world and my neighbors here on a daily basis. It is wonderful!

The biggest self-realization to hit me as of late was how much of a lover I have grown into. I know that I used to be extremely bossy and selfish and legalistic. I was hidebound and so unapproachable to many in my life. I know that I hurt so many folks that I really cared about along the way especially my family because my understanding of love --- real, true, unconditional love --- was skewed and usually limited to what I saw on the outside. I pray that I never go back to being that person again! This week I was really encouraged by two things, a call from my sister Ame and words from my friend Jon. Both talks, simply put, reminded me of the power and healing that come from looking beyond ourselves and our conveniences so that others may truly be loved well. I want to be that person more and more and am pondering how my actions can help love others especially those very different from me with real, no strings attached love. I hope that you too will ponder and seek to become the lovers that we were ALL always meant to be and strive to bring healing and joy into everyone's paths.

PS: Speaking of being a lover and world changer, if any of you get to see the movie Milk with Sean Penn, go see it! I saw it on Saturday, and it is a wonderful movie with a powerful story of what real love can do to change our world. :)

Call + Response: A Reflection

Last week, I headed about an hour uptown from my job to Columbia University to see a special screening of the movie "Call + Response." Now, I know this is New York City, so I don't know if it'll be anywhere near where you are, but if you get a chance to go see this documentary, GO SEE IT! It is phenomenal! The documentary is about modern-day slavery be it sexual trafficking, child labor, or forced labor of some kind.

Long story short, the documentary got me thinking about the issue of slavery again. (In fact, I had to pray so that I wouldn't stay up all night just thinking and could get rest to teach the next day.) I have been ruminating on the issue for days now, and in my search for what I can do practically to end slavery, I put this blog out to share what I know with you. May you join the fight that others may live and be given the love and dignity that we all are worthy of!

Check out these links for more info on modern-day slavery and to begin your fight against it!

www.callandresponse.com/
www.thefreedomproject-ywam.com/
www.photogenx.net/sexandmoney/
www.invisiblechildren.com
www.ecmafrica.org/
www.worldvision.org/Worldvision/eappeal.nsf/egift_exploited_children_pledge?open&lid=CIC_pledge&lpos=day:txt:Become_a

--- Love, Amanda Kay

The Holidays from an NYC perspective

Hey all. Here's the long awaited blog I promised. Take it for what it is worth as I'm writing this in an emo state fighting two days of loneliness and days worth of drama at school which has me even more sad.

So, I've been through Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's Eve, and the Obama Inauguration all in NYC. What a difference of cultures and way of celebrating all of the above is here! It is so not the South! Thanksgiving here is worked around the Macy's Parade followed by dinner around 2 PM due to the parade and travel to be with some of your family. Yet, the holiday is not the big time celebration that it is with folks in the South. Many places offer the traditional fare all throughout the city. I watched the parade live but did not get to serve Thanksgiving to the homeless as planned. My time though having a meal in one of America's oldest shelters was a wonderful blessing for me! Then, I chose to explore Chinatown and Little Italy (two spots I hadn't been too yet); going through Chinatown literally brought tears to my eyes as I was "home" again. One day I will return to China long term. Foolish or not, I decided to try and get a winter coat and experience Black Friday here by going to Macy's in the afternoon. Never again do I ever have to experience that "holiday"; it was disgusting to see all the commercialism inside and sad to see the fur protesters outside.

As for Christmas, the holiday came after lots of crunched out work. My school didn't let out until 4:00 PM December 23rd. I spent the next seven days house-sitting and dog-sitting for my best friend up here. It was so chill and showed me just how much stress had gotten into me from four months of work in NYC! During that time I also got to spend the holiday with my friend and co-worker Christine. The best part of this time aside from the time with Christine was getting to go to Staten Island and seeing the view from the top of Wagner College (my good friend's alumni). I literally just sat at the top of the hill taking in the amazing view in awe of what God had made and had a conversation with him. I am thankful that during this time I was able to be with my church family as it eased some of the loneliness that I was experiencing.

Then came New Year's Eve and 2009. I think this was my favorite holiday up here by far! For years I have watched on tv the Dick Clark New Year's Eve special. I have had many fond memories shooting off fireworks with my family as well for this holiday. Well, this year, I got to be reminded of all of that and keep a promise I made to myself a year ago that if I was here this August that I would ring in the New Year in Times Square and see the ball drop for myself. This year, by the way, happened to be the 100th anniversary of the ball drop, so they spent A YEAR suping up the big crystal ball! I spent over 14 hours in Times Square ringing the holiday in; I was so early that the cops and barricades hadn't even got into place. My friend Amy showed up to celebrate with me, and we were blessed all night long with good conversation, many freebies, a great view of EVERYTHING major, and even got on tv multiple times. (I also got my photo taken by a journalist.) To add to our fun, Amy and I went across the street to the Charmin bathroom afterwards. That was the most hilarious bathroom I have ever been in complete with two bathroom cheerleaders and a choreographed bathroom dance! Needless to say, I laughed for the entire 20 minutes we were there! On New Year's Day I was invited to Greg and Emily's family (the couple I live with) meal. Their family is from all over the Caribbean. The meal was wonderful and was like being at my grandma's house for Christmas!

Since returning back to school on January 5th, I have seen the stress and drama return into my life. I have changed positions at work per my principal's request since I'm the only one at work who has the experience and qualifications. Now I only teach music to the sixth graders and teach the special needs and ESOL students who just need extra help three to five times a week. I have also had to move classrooms, take on a new group of Advisory students (small group of kids I mentor for the year), leave my old Advisory, and adapt to a new schedule. As a whole, things aren't going well now. The drama is easy to spot at work among myself and colleagues (unfortunately), and the kids perceptions of me has changed because many think they were given up on. I have also walked into many, many problems with my new Advisory and position. Yet the truth is, I didn't ask for all these changes and was in fact told that these changes weren't going to happen only to see them be pushed on me. Soon work will get more hectic as I begin an all-girls chess team and am heavily involved in a grant performance that combines music and poetry. Work definitely is an area of prayer that you guys can come alongside me to support me.

One last note on differences of culture and locale, yesterday my school watched the Obama Inauguration. Bush was booed by nearly the whole school (and the two other schools watching it with us) while the auditorium erupted (and I mean that) into cheers for Obama! My school is 60% Black (African, Caribbean, African-American) and nearly 40% Latino (Mexican, Latin American, Dominican, Puerto Rican). As I sat there experiencing the celebration with my colleagues and students, I couldn't help but think how Bush wouldn't have been booed in the South and Obama wouldn't have been so heartily appreciated. Sad, isn't it? Politics is radically different here and so is graciousness ... but I already knew that only to be reminded of it through the inauguration.

Well, I am surprised that I've written so logically and succinctly in my emo state. Please keep me in your prayers. I am lonely here though I am making more friends. The negative aspects of NYC are really getting me down. Much is also on my mind as of late which means I'm not sleeping and resting well. Choices at work have to be made so that things get fixed and life moves on though I CAN'T get everything done at work that is expected of me. I think this is the hardest that I've ever had to work before as a teacher. I wonder if I will get to start my master's in special education next year or not. Well, I end my ramblings here. Night yall.