Sunday, December 30, 2007

These are a few of my favorite things ...

Hey guys! Had this on my mind today, and well, now's as good a time as ever to write this all out. What follows are a list of my favorite places in no particular order.

(1) Dogwood Acres (Vernon, Florida) -- The trees. The nature trails. The zip line over the lake. Kelly Field and the Challenge Course (old and new). Camping out and cooking over the camp fires. The fun I had there as a summer camp counselor three times. My buddies Evan, Matt, Doug, and Lynn. Puddle stomping and marsh bogging. Being the female, Roman census taker recently. These are why I love Dogwood Acres.

(2) Pensacola, Florida -- RA at the University of West Florida. International friends and food. Iota Eta Pi. Staying up for four days. Professor John Clune and Latin American history. THE AMAZINGLY LOVELY BEACHES. The neon sign pointing to the beach. Bill & Angela Tinker and their girls. Erress Boulevard ghetto house with international friends. Matt Howell. FIRE, Brownsville, and Mobile Highway. The 24-hour computer lab and coffee machine just 'cos. I love you and found out this time with Miki that you are one place that I consider home.

(3) China -- Been there three times for (as of now fourteen and a half months). Luke, Kat, Spring, Ivy, Jessica, and my other Chinese friends. Ying Cai. Riding the train and motorcycles to faraway places. Really learning to ride a bike. REAL CHINESE FOOD THAT IS REALLLLLLLLLLLLLLY YUMMY!!!! Strange food and customs. I am called to you dear alternate homeland and one day I will return to you with joy!

(4) Australia -- Wanted to visit you since I was eight years and when I was 20 (2000 when the Olympics came down under), I got to visit you for two months. Sydney Bridge climb. Didgeridoo and Aborigines. Bush dancing. Sydney Art Museum. Driving on the other side of the road!!! Rugby. Trying to eat six pancakes to get my name on a wall. Beets, kangaroo burger, pumpkin soup, hot tea with milk. Learning lots of Aussie slang. Aussie, Aussie, Aussie, Oy, Oy, Oy. Just don't call 'em a Kiwi.

(5) Japan -- Spent about a week there this summer with friends I hadn't seen for seven years face-to-face. It rocked and was relaxing considering the rough two and a half weeks I had just spent in Beijing. Kobe. Narita. Osaka. Kyoto. You were all so lovely and chill with an amazing dichotomy and diversity of people. Lots of delicious true Japanese food. Hope that I'll get to go back some day!

(6) Marianna, Florida -- Janell. Miki. Chris. Ed. Christopher. Mom. Ame, my sis. The Caverns. Jackson Alternative. Hope School. Citizens Lodge Park. My family nearby. Yall make my American hometown one of my favorite places. I cannot live here all my life, but the folks, natural surroundings, and quaintness make my stays here worth it.

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Merry Christmas to all!

Yo ev'rybody!

I hope that yall are having as good and goofy of a Christmas holiday as I am. I am LOVIN' being off of work for about two weeks and getting the extra time with fam and friends!!! (Did I stress loving enough?)

Well, I know my friends overseas are already celebrating Christmas ... but for those in the USA, I'd like to wish yall all a very merry Christmas! Please stay safe! Oh, I have proof of the holiday goofiness in my newest pic album if you wanna check it out! Props to my sis for being goofy with me!!! Enjoy!

Peace -- Amanda Kay :)

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Yo! I Want to Know What U Think!!!

Current mood: chill

Okay, so a few days ago my friend Ed introduced me to a song by Wyclef Jean called Sweetest Girl featuring Akon and Lil Wayn. The words struck me big time!!! This is one of those songs that REALLY makes me think! I love it when songs, movies, and such do that! For me, my thoughts went like this ...

-- Wow! I don't really dig those words, but it's got fantastic beats!

-- That song makes me SO sad!!!

-- Wow, that song is so real! That is how life must be like for at least 50% of the globe's people especially in Latin America and Asia where prostitution is soooooooo rampant.

And so, I ask you to please give the song a listen and post what it makes you feel or think about. I am really interested in how this song affects others and looking forward to the diverse points of view. Thanks! :)

Sunday, November 25, 2007

Recent Poetry of Mine

Been writing lots lately in the midst of intense spiritual warfare. Ran across some and wanted to post these for all whom wish to read. Enjoy! :)

Your Love

Your love is immensely grand;
at times it is all that makes me stand.

Your love is as close as the
air and always real
drawing me to you closer and
closer still.

Your love makes me content
and jubilant
while all the world's best
can only make me pant.

You are romantic beyond end
and have always been.
'Tis this love that compelled
your Son to intercede due to sin.


-- Amanda Kay Johnson
11 Nov. 2007


Victory in HIM


In all the messes we'll EVER make,
there is victory in HIM that they can ALL be cleaned up.

In all the pain we'll EVER taste,
there is victory in HIM that they can always taste sweet rather than bitter.

In all the joy and delight that we'll "rob" ourselves or others from,
there is victory in HIM that He will always give us himself, the only true source of joy and delight.

Though my Enemy lies to me and brings pain and sorrow in this earthly path,
there is victory in HIM to recognize that only ever does my Enemy lie to me and not my God.

Though my paths are bitterly painful now like walking on crushed glass with already bleeding soles,
there is victory in HIM that I do not walk these paths by myself as HE is ever at my side.

Though the rocks be hurled my way to stone me and ALL my friends eternally forsake me,
there is victory in HIM because nothing will ever separate me from HIS love and presence.


-- Amanda Kay Johnson
12:55 PM/20 Nov. 2007



Eternal Song Within Arising

Rising up within me there is a song
A song that I will always sing in my attempt to pour back the love and grace that's been showered upon me.

This song runs deep; it pulses in my veins, it's forever intertwined with my blood and life. It will always make me sing to a King, the King, most worthy above all.

Battered and bruised and crushed for me; He took it all and went well into the darkness for my sake going farther and giving up more than I ever can or will in this mortal skin.

Yet, fight the darkness I will and propel love and light into its midst to shake the demons and hate from their ground, the ancient strongholds and drive them back into the despised abyss called Hell.

For there my soul once dwelt bound to all that hates and destroys and kept me from my Maker; yet my Abba's grace was Before and extends Beyond and so it stretched down and rescued me from the abyss and is cleansing me.

And now my desire is for the Lover and to be like HIM. Burn desire for HIM, burn.

-- Amanda Kay Johnson
25 Nov. 2007

Plea to Redeemed Humanity

Current mood: tired

I don't usually get this way, but I am just putting this out there to those that are of the Redeemed. This morning I knew that my Abba was telling me that He is about to begin a new thing in me and that I am about to undergo some major life changes. I don't really know what all that means; I just know that I am in the midst of it as of today. I also know that Satan is playing hardcore and is throwing hardcore junk at me. I truly hate it and honestly within my heart, I don't want to keep fighting these spiritual battles ... but whether I want to or not, I know that I must fight. I honestly feel EXTREMELY weary from all of the fighting in the Spirit that has been going down within this week. I cannot carry this monstrously, titanic burden alone. So, I just put this plea out to redeemed humanity to please pray for me and ask Abba to give me the strength that I know that I need to endure and fight well.

Tuesday, November 6, 2007

This made me so SAD to read ...

This was next to an article on Sudan, Africa recently in my local newspaper. Needless to say, both articles caught my eye and made me incredibly sad. Please read and pray and seek how you can help to actively evoke change for the positive regarding the following ...

Abortion just as common where it's legal as where it's not, experts say (Article by: Maria Cheng, AP Medical Writer)

London, UK ---
Women are just as likely to get an abortion in countries where it is outlawed as they are in countries where it is legal, according to reserach published Friday.

In a study examining abortion trends from 1995 to 2003, experts also found that abortion rates are virtually equal in rich and poor countries, and that half of all abortions worldwide are unsafe.

The study was done by Gilda Sedgh of the Guttmacher Institute in the United States and colleagues from the World Health Organization. It was published in an edition of the The Lancet medical journal devoted to maternal health.

... Abortion accounts for 13 percent of maternal mortality worldwide. About 70,000 women die every year from unsafe abortions. An additional 5 million women suffer permanent or temporary injury.

"The continuing high incidence of unsafe abortion in developing countries represents a public health crisis and a human rights atrocity," [Beth] Fredrick [of the International Women's Health Coalition in the U.S.] wrote.

The number of worldwide abortions has dipped from 46 million in 1995 to just under 42 million in 2003. But there was no change in the rate of unsafe abortions; nearly half the procedures are still perfomed illegally in potentially dangerous conditions.

... [Sharon] Camp [president and chief executive officer of the Guttmacher Institute] said that more countries are allowing women to have abortions legally, but many women only receive medical attention after a procedure has gone wrong. "I don't think women should have to hurt themselves before they get medical treatment," she said.

The vast majority of abortions --- 35 million --- were in the developing world. And nearly 97 percent of all unsafe abortions were in poor countries. Worldwide, one in five pregnancies ends in abortion and nine out of 10 women will have an abortion before age 45.*

The study defined unsafe abortions as those performed either by people lacking the necessary skills or in an environment that does not conform to minimum medical standards.

In eastern Europe, there are more abortions than live births: 105 abortions for every 100 live births, the research found. In Western Europe, there are 23 abortions for every 100 live births.

In North America, there are 33 abortions for every 100 live births, while in Africa, where abortion is illegal in most countries, there are 17 abortions for every 100 live births.

... Funds from the U.S. government, for example, cannot be used in any health services associated with abortion.

... In related papers published in The Lancet this week, experts said there has been little improvement in helping women survive pregnancy and childbirth in the last two decades, particularly in the world's poorest countries.

... "Donors love to distribute bed nets for malaria because it's simple to do and it's easy to show the progress you've made," said Dr. Lale Say, a WHO maternal health expert. "But unfortunately for women's health, there is no single strategy that will work everywhere."

* Emphasis is mine.

[Article in the Jackson County Floridan (Marianna,FL); Oct. 12, 2007]

-------------------

If you'd like to actually see what an abortion is like, check out the following website and watch The Silent Scream.

http://www.silentscream.org/video1.htm

Wednesday, October 31, 2007

My favorite part of The Secret Garden

Current mood: excited

I finished up The Secret Garden by Frances Hodgson Burnett today. Before I return the book to my local library, I wanted to share my favorite part with you all modified slightly (italics below). When I read it I thought of Jesus, and so that is how I modified this ...

"The sun is shining --- the sun is shining. That is because of Jesus. The flowers are growing --- the roots are stirring. That is because of Jesus. Being alive is because of Jesus --- being strong is because of Jesus. Jesus is in me --- is in me. He is in me --- He is in me. He's in every one of us that are adopted as his children. He covers all our weaknesses. Jesus! Jesus! Come and help!"

For by Him all things were created that are in heaven and that are on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or dominions or principalities or powers. All things were created through Him and for Him. And He is before all things, and in Him all things consist. (Colossians 1:16-17)

Friday, October 12, 2007

Have you heard about this???

About two days ago I got online to search for news about Africa. I was interested in learning about the impoverished continent to prepare for my trip this coming summer and wanting to pray for it and its peoples. What I found was a news story that shocked me and got me praying more (thankfully). I have two friends in the DR Congo, so this news hit home moreso than expected. It also got me thinking about how I had never heard this news in America. Perhaps I just missed it, but if it's a matter of not being front page news here in America, then it's a rather sad day for us who can do so much to help our brothers and sisters overseas. Please check out the links below, be thankful for what you have, and pray hard!

The effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much. - James 5.16

----

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/7038346.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/5213996.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/7042373.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/africa/5213528.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/shared/spl/hi/pop_ups/06/africa_congolese_children_living_rough/html/1.stm
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/shared/spl/hi/guides/456900/456977/html/nn1page1.stm

Saturday, October 6, 2007

Please Help Africa & Its Peoples

I have had an interest in Africa and helping however I can for a while now, but recently my heart has really been burning for my neighbors and brothers and sisters in this oh, so forgotten continent. So, here and now, I'd like to be a voice for the unspoken living in a continent in dire need of so much love and aid. One group helping is called Every Child Ministries. A list of how they help others in Africa is below. You can check them out at www.ecmafrica.org or by contacting them at (219)996-4201. Please do not forget those in need in beloved Africa. :)

ECM Africa helps by ---

Empowering the African Church to evangelize the new generation:
- teacher training
- leadership training
- teacher's resource libraries
- literacy
- resource development

Building good character in the new generation through the schools:
- character building from the Bible, a program for public schools
- Haven Academy (school for orphans)

Showing the love of Jesus to street children:
- direct aid
- street fellowship
- child sponsorship
- orphan aid
- vocational training
- Haven of Hope Home for Children (in Ghana)

Showing the love of Jesus to slave children (illegal Trikosi slavery):
- cooperative project with Ghanian national efforts
- freedom, help in starting a new life
- Christian education

Showing the love of Jesus to orphans and war-affected children (in Uganda, Sudan, and Democratic Republic of the Congo):
- ministry in refugee camps
- ministry to displaced children
- orphan projects
- child sponsorship

Thursday, October 4, 2007

The Path of Love

For about two weeks now, there has been this ongoing struggle with loving others within me. It got especially bad the past couple of days. I started getting offended and intensely upset/hurt by others. In the midst of that "turmoil," I cried out to the Lord and began reading a lot more of Max Lucado's book Come Thirsty. This book is really being used as of late to comfort and encourage me in Christ. Well, today though tired, I had a good day and loved on others, and I also spent some time reading through more of the book and wanted to share some of it with yall. :) I must say that when you're struggling or feeling down I think what's below can really encourage you ...

"He himself gives life and breath to everything, and he satisfies every need there is" (Acts 17:25). ... Why do people struggle? To display his strength. "I have tested you in the furnace of affliction. For My own sake, for My own sake, I will act" (Isaiah 48:10-11). The prophet proclaimed, "You lead Your people, to make Yourself a glorious name" (Isaiah 63:14).

... I am the one who creates the light and makes the darkness. I am the one who sends good times and bad times. I, the LORD, am the one who does these things. (Isaiah 45:7)

Enjoy prosperity while you can. But when hard times strike, realize that both come from God. (Ecclesiastes 7:14)

Is it not from the mouth of the Most High that woe and well-being proceed? (Lamentations 3:38)

... Every so often in life, we find ourselves standing before God's counter, thinking we know the itinerary. Good health, a job promotion, a pregnancy. Many times God checks the itinerary he created and says yes. But there are times when he says, "No. That isn't the journey I have planned for you. I have you routed through the city of Struggle."

We can stamp our feet and shake our fists. Or we can make a sailor-in-the-storm decision. I know God knows what is best.

... Did God spare his Son from death? No. The glory of God outranked the comfort of Christ. So Christ suffered, and God's grace was displayed and deployed.

Are you called to endure a Gethsemane season? Have you "been granted for Christ's sake, not only to believe in Him, but also to suffer for His sake" (Philippians 1:29)?

If so, then come thirsty and drink deeply from his lordship. He authors all itineraries. He knows what is best. No struggle will come your way apart from his purpose, presence, and permission. What encouragement this brings! You are never the victim of nature or the prey of fate. Chance is eliminated. ... Would God truly abandon you ... Perish the thought!

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, nor will the flame burn you. For I am the LORD your God. (Isaiah 43:2-3)

We live beneath the protective palm of a sovereign King who superintends every circumstance of our lives and delights in doing us good.

Monday, October 1, 2007

C.S. Lewis is AMAZING!!!

Read this in Max Lucado's Come Thirsty. It is from C.S. Lewis' book Mere Christianity ... and, it is AMAZING and right on target! Enjoy and be inspired to jettison for Jesus the King of Kings! :)

"Christ say, 'Give me All. I don't want so much of your time and so much of your money and so much of your work: I want You. I have not come to torment your natural self, but to kill it. No half-measures are any good. I don't want to cut off a branch here and a branch there, I want to have the whole tree down. ... Hand over the whole natural self, all the desires which you think innocent as well as the desires you think wicked --- the whole outfit. I will give you a new self instead. In fact, I will give you Myself: my own will shall become yours."

Friday, September 28, 2007

ONE Dollar

Today when I came back home from work my little neighbors were so excited to see me. They are three little black girls that really love me! They had just gotten off the bus, and I got to see them get off the bus as I was directly behind it. Well ... I pulled in to the parking spots near the mailboxes and talked with them for a bit. My youngest neighbor of the three was excited about seeing something in my car, and I thought that she was saying "gold." She wanted whatever she was telling me about, but I couldn't make out what she was describing. So, I opened up my car door to let her show me what she was seeing that I truly couldn't see.

It turns out that she saw a dollar under my seat. It was my lunch money for the week. I had stuck it under the seat. As small of a thing as that was, at the time I simply didn't want to give her a dollar. I thought the other kids would hear her and that I'd be giving out a bunch of money. That's pretty ridiculous and greedy of me ... yet, it is the truth. So, I drive my car over to park in front of my apartment, and my Papa thankfully convicted me of my greed and foolishness. I decided to get out of the car, go give them all hugs, thank my neighbors for finding my lunch money, and give them a dollar each.

I had such joy to go give them each one dollar realizing that this small amount of money was huge to them and even moreso was a powerful investment into the Kingdom of God. I was also reminded of how when I was a child that one buck was such an exhorbant amount of money and pleasing to me. I am thankful to have been reminded too that it is God who provides so much for me daily and that without Him I have nothing. And so, I just challenge all who read this to forget about themselves and go out to bless others in love with the things that the Lord has provided.

Thursday, September 27, 2007

My Prayer In Norco, LA

May my flesh be all stripped away both now and forever.
And may only your Spirit abide and remain and pour forth into the lives of all others.
Your love is real and true, a gift for us daily to embrace and be changed by.

As I was sitting with other friends in a Sunday morning service, the thoughts came to mind above and spilled forth into an unspoken but written prayer. I am reminded of them today and whispered them in my heart today too.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Love & The Little Prince

For the past week, many of my friends have been struggling with the issue of love. I too have struggled with this issue especially throughout this afternoon and evening. I find it interesting that God created most people to have a helpmate (a husband or wife) and that love has been such an omnipresent desire and struggle since nearly the dawn of time. As I've pondered love off and on throughout my day, I keep being reminded of something I read in The Little Prince two days or so ago Though there is a lot that I still don't get in that book, I highly recommend it and look forward to being enlightened about the deeper meanings of that book.

And so, I share with you now two enchanting depictions of real, true love ...


"My flower is ephemeral," the little prince said to himself, "and she has only four thorns to defend herself against the world. And I have left her on my planet, all alone!" This was his first moment of regret. But he took courage once more.

… He was standing before a garden, all a-bloom with roses. … The little prince gazed at them. They all looked like his flower. "Who are you?" he demanded, thunderstruck.

"We are roses," the roses said.

And he was overcome with sadness. His flower had told him that she was the only one of her kind in all the universe. And here were five thousand of them, all alike, in one single garden!

"She would be very much annoyed," he said to himself, "if she should see that … She would cough most dreadfully, and she would pretend that she was dying, to avoid being laughed at. And I should be obliged to pretend that I was nursing her back to life --- for if I did not do that, to humble myself also, she would really allow herself to die …"Then he went on with his reflections: "I thought that I was rich, with a flower that was unique in all the world; and all I had was a common rose.

… It was then that the fox appeared. … "To me, you (the prince) will be unique in all the world. To you, I (the fox) shall be unique in all the world …"

… "Go and look again at the roses. You will understand now that yours is unique in all the world. Then come back to say goodbye to me, and I will make you a present of a secret."

The little prince went away, to look again at the roses. "You are not at all like my rose," he said. "As yet you are nothing. No one has tamed you (established ties), and you have tamed no one. You are like my fox when I first knew him. He was only a fox like a hundred thousand other foxes. But I have made him my friend, and now he is unique in all the world."

"You are beautiful, but you are empty," he went on. "One could not die for you. To be sure, an ordinary passerby would think that my rose looked just like you --- the rose that belongs to me. But in herself alone she is more important than all the hundreds of you other roses: because it is she that I have watered; because it is she that I have put under the glass globe; because it is she that I have sheltered behind the screen; because it is for her that I have killed the caterpillars (except the two or three that we saved to become butterflies); because it is she that I have listened to, when she grumbled or boasted, or even sometimes when she said nothing. Because she is my rose."

And he went back to meet the fox. "Goodbye," he said.

"Goodbye," said the fox. "And now here is my secret, a very simple secret: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye." … "It is the time you have wasted for your rose that makes your rose so important." "You become responsible, forever, for what you have tamed. You are responsible for your rose …"

May we all have eyes that can see that which is invisible and the love described in 1 Corinthians 13.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

Thoughts in Prose Composed Today

From ashes we rise to hands pierced by love
From spiritual poverty and despair we learn to fly and soar in grace
If we but turn our eyes off ourselves and look to the Father above
Quieting all that rages around and within to be still within Papa's warm and soothing embrace

------------------------------------------------------
The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart, and saves such as have a contrite spirit. - Psalm 34:18

The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit, a broken and a contrite heart --- These, O God, You will not despise. - Psalm 51:17

Thursday, September 20, 2007

From The Little Prince (Book)

Current mood: cheerful

I'm currently spending time relaxing and working towards my goal of reading five complete books between August 2007 and June 2008. The Little Prince is one that I want to read. My friend Danny has loaned it to me, and while reading it moments ago I saw one of the best descriptions of God in written form ever. Just wanted to post that here and now for all of yall ...

"The little prince looked everywhere to find a place to sit down; but the entire planet was crammed and obstructed by the king's magnificent ermine robe. ... For what the king fundamentally insisted upon was that his authority should be respected. He tolerated no disobedience. He was an absolute monarch. But, because he was a very good man, he made his orders reasonable."

"... Sire --- [asked the little prince] over what do you rule?"

"Over everything," said the king, with magnificent simplicity.

"Over everything?"

The king made a gesture, which took in his planet, the other planets, and all the stars.

"Over all that?" asked the little prince.

"Over all that," the king answered. For his rule was not only absolute: it was universal.

"And the stars obey you?"

"Certainly they do," the king said. "They obey instantly. I do not permit insubordination." Such power was a thing for the little prince to marvel at.

"... One must require from each one the duty which each one can perform, " the king went on. "...I have the right to require obedience because my orders are reasonable."

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Have you ever thought about this?

We don't have a priest who is out of touch with our reality. He's been through weakness and testing, experienced it all - all but the sin. - Hebrews 4:15 (The Message)

Therefore, it was necessary for Jesus to be in every respect like us, his brothers and sisters, so that he could be our merciful and faithful High Priest before God. He then could offer a sacrifice that would take away the sins of the people. - Hebrews 2:17 (New Living Translation)

- - - - -

For the past two days I have been thinking about the last verse not knowing where exactly in the Bible it was but remembering the gist of the verse. It's been blowing me away to think of my Savior and King, Jesus, being tempted with things like homosexuality, murderous thoughts, rape, an ungodly marriage or just even an intimate relationship with any lady of his time. I mean ... I know that typically I don't think of Jesus even being tempted much less being tempted by things that society says are like the worst things ever that we could do. But the fact of the matter, the truth, is that Jesus was tempted and withstood it ALL!

As for me, I have been tempted greatly since this past weekend to get annoyed and frustrated with people that I really care about and love. I had lengthy intellectual and theological discussions with a new friend named Calvin this past weekend. He's actually a surfing and water skiing rocket scientist who lives in California; I met him in Louisiana at a friend's house though. Those conversations and the depth of them really have me longing for some rather serious talk with others here. I know that that is playing into my temptations to be frustrated and annoyed and just want to tune people out, all of which is horrible.

And so, today, from about the moment I woke up, I have really been in a battle to not give in to temptation. I feel horrid that this battle even exists within my heart and am so grateful for the many hugs given to me today and the concern shown from my co-workers also granted to me. I simply want to love others and please my royal Daddy. I don't want to tune others out or take any "me"-time as that always sounds so selfish to me. I find myself not knowing exactly what all to do except just keep looking unto Jesus for help and giving up my burdens to him. I don't want to crush my friends that I care about so much or vent on them at all ... and so, I write alone now knowing that this is helpful for me at times and is a kind of prayer also. And so for those that have read this, would you please pray for me if you are a fellow Christian? Thank you kindly for sowing into eternity!

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Chain

Current mood: content

I found some old poetry that I wrote way back in the day while digging through some music recently. It was neat to read back through it and try and ponder who I was then. Enjoy the first of some old poetry installments ... :) 



Chain - Written 09.21.1998 (9:40 PM)
Therefore we also, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which so easily ensnares us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endure the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. For consider Him who endured such hostility from sinners against Himself, lest you become weary and discouraged in your souls. - Hebrews 12:1-3


Can you see the links of sin I bear
A testimony to my shame
And each day my chain grows
Link upon link

But in my darkness
I see a light
I see a man called Jesus
My savior, king, and forgiver

He steps closer
Exposing my shame
The links I bear
Upon His name

Then I hear His voice cry out to me
He says, "My child, I'll set you free
I'll take away your shame and give you mercy
If you will give Your chain to me"

Lord this grace, this grace
This love, oh this love,
How can it be for one
So wretched as me

Oh my child, don't you know
That my love is a gift
I have given you through my Son
It is done

So come to me and fall
At your knees
Oh my child, let me take
Away your shame

I give it to you oh Lord
Take it away
Father restore me. Father restore me
Oh Lord, thank you for my freedom

For my chain is there no more

Monday, September 10, 2007

Awesome story about a kid named Brandon ...

Six year-old Brandon decided one Saturday morning to fix his parents pancakes. He found a big bowl and spoon, pulled a chair to the counter, opened the cupboard, and pulled out the heavy flour canister, spilling it on the floor. He scooped some of the flour into the bowl with his hands, mixed in most of a cup of milk, and added some sugar, leaving a floury trail on the floor which by now had a few tracks left by his kitten. Brandon was covered with flour and getting frustrated. He wanted this to be something very good for Mom and Dad, but it was getting very bad. He didn't know what to do next, whether to put it all into the oven or on the stove, and he didn't know how the stove worked! Suddenly he saw his kitten licking from the bowl of mix and reached to push her away knocking the egg carton to the floor. Frantically, he tried to clean up this monumental mess but slipped on the eggs getting his pajamas white and sticky.

And just then … he saw Dad standing at the door. Big crocodile tears welled up in Brandon's eyes. All he'd wanted to do was something good, but he'd made a terrible mess. He was sure a scolding was coming, maybe even a spanking. But, his father just watched him. Then, walking through the mess, he picked up his crying son, hugged him, and loved him, getting his own pajamas white and sticky in the process! That's how God deals with us. We try to do something good in life, but it turns into a mess. Our marriage gets all sticky, or we insult a friend, or we can't stand our job, or our health goes sour. Sometimes we just stand there in tears because we can't think of anything else to do. That's when God picks us up and loves us and forgives us, even though some of our mess gets all over Him. But just because we might mess up, we can't stop trying to "make pancakes" for God or for others. Sooner or later we'll get it right, and then they'll be glad we tried!

Sunday, September 9, 2007

Kinda emo now

Current mood: contemplative

Here I sit at my computer desk typing my first MySpace blog awaiting Janell to finish up her shift at work. I just had a wonderful conversation with my delightful friend Danny Fedor but the whole time he and I were talking this one thought kept running through my mind. So what was I thinking you ask? … Well, since yesterday I have felt so incredibly alone though surrounded by any number of people. It's amazing to me how we can get that way … but I know that it is truly how we feel sometimes and continues to be my prevailing, deep down within mood.

At the same time all of this is going on I am wondering whether it is godly or not to feel this way. In the past, I know that I would have thought it wrong to feel this way. Now, I'm not sure and not sure it's wrong either. Through it all I have been reminded by friends that care about me that what I need to do most is continue to just cry out to Jesus through this time and seek Him. They are right I know. So, I just had to literally cry for a bit this morning and talk with my Papa, my King, my Lord. I know that this is all mixed in with the tidal wave of changes that are thankfully happening in my heart and life now. Dogma is being crushed ... and that is WAY good!!!

I think all of what is happening in me now is summed up best in a song I recently wrote. It continues to be the expression of my heart set to music. So, I leave it with you now and the truths that ain't it so wonderful that Jesus never fails us or leaves us and that His plans are always better than we can ever dream!

The Path Unfamiliar (Written: 25 Aug 2007)

My heart is in need. Will you come and help me?
My heart is in need. Will you come and rescue me?

I want, I want to walk this path
I want, I want to walk this path
This path you've set before me, but I can only by Your grace.

Oh help me to see Your face.
Oh help me to see Your face.

You're asking my heart to become bigger than its ever been before
And all this necessary stretching is beginning to feel like ripping.

But have my heart anyways --- stretch it, fill it, transform it.
Take out the fear. Let only love abide.
Transform triumphantly all that's ever been inside.

I want, I want to walk this path
I want, I want to walk this path
This path you've set before me, but I can only by Your grace.

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Return Trip (or The Incredible Journey Ends ... For Now)

8 月 7日 2007年

My journey in Asia ends today. I got up this morning at 5:30 to be at the bus stop down the road with all of my luggage. It was a nice walk and a time to reminisce. It’s amazing how quickly this time has gone by and how my last stop is so close to where I first set foot in Kobe.

Well my bus ride to Narita was excellent. I decided to eat in the airport before trying to head into Tokyo; that choice actually resulted in me not having enough time to go into Tokyo. That’s okay because I enjoyed my teriyaki burger and got to go into Narita instead.

In Narita, I tried to go to the Buddhist Temple Garden. It was so extremely hot, and thus, I never made it to the garden. I did have a good time exploring down the streets just checking out what everyday houses are like in Japan. I liked the cute little gardens that they had. Seeing the different-ness of the street stores, markets, and medicine stores stands out to me too.

Well, my flights have begun. They will last for nearly two days. From Narita to Detroit then to Memphis and then to Pensacola. My time in Detroit was interesting. The people there weren’t that friendly to me, and I realized that I am still talking really slow (like I talk in Asia for clarity). It was good to eat Mediterranean food there in the airport. By contrast, my time in Memphis was so good. I loved the smell of barbeque and hearing Southern English again. My favorite was when the guy in the airport spoke to me like Elvis, “B25 ... thahda way.”

And so the journey continues to Pensacola. It is wonderful to be back. I know that my return will bring so many people joy. Like last time though, I left part of my heart in Asia. Of my own will, I would not have returned (thus my two days of depression before leaving Japan); yet, I cannot and must not live my will but His.

Tonight I will stay with the Tinker family. They will come to pick me up from the airport. ... Well, I was forgotten, but they are on their way now. And so, the incredible journey is nearly over. Tomorrow I will arrive back at my apartment. My Daddy will take me back. I am looking forward to seeing those I left behind in May. I know that my return will bring many joy, and so, it is for that reason and obedience to Abby (my heavenly Daddy) that I return.

Monday, August 6, 2007

Japan: Old School Style

August 6th, 2007

Today was a wonderful day in Kyoto; it was also the last day with my friends in Japan. Yumi and I took the train to Kyoto. This is a place within an hour from Kobe and Osaka. It is an ancient place and feels that way too. In fact, the town has laws in place to protect it from losing its distinct historic features.

Kyoto is famous for its old houses and zen gardens. The roads are extremely narrow compared to other parts of Japan. Amisdst the history from ancient times, you can however find the modern blended in. For instance, McDonald’s is here but the sign is a dirty, muddy brown to blend in rather than stand out as the normal fire hydrant red.

Our first stop was for lunch in this old, Kyoto-famous house. It looks inside and outside like the old-style Japanese homes. And yes, we had to take off our shoes! I always am up for barefoot opportunities! :) The buffet inside was very good. My lunch consisted of miso soup, salad (eaten with chopsticks), rice, bean sprouts, and fried chicken nuggets. The view of the quaint little enclosed garden was so charming and calming too.

After lunch, we headed down to two more old houses. In Japanese, these old houses are called “machiya”. Our first home included a tour. It was built in the early 1900s and had carved wood panels inside near the ceiling. It was interesting to me that this home included a Western sitting room. My how different that room was from the rest of the home. The second home was free to go into and included a guest sign-in book I enjoyed both signing it and reading it’s global entries.

After the third home, Yumi and I headed back via train to Osaka. We both met up with one of her college friends and headed for sushi. (I definitely didn’t want to leave Japan and not try true sushi!) Our dinner was in a sushi bar/restaurant known for excellent sushi. We shared conversation and wonderful sushi. Dinner was roast octopus tentacle, cucumber roll (seaweed, rice, cucumber), roast salmon, salmon roe, tuna and and avocado roll, raw tuna and rice, roast tuna and rice, red and spicy ginger, soy sauce, and grapefruit juice.

With a belly partially full, I headed back alone via train to Kobe. I decided to get a Japan-only McDonald’s meal. So, I bought an EBI McFillet burger (shrimp burger). It was excellent, and I enjoyed eating it on the street watching the diverse street crowd. I walked down Dining Street, a street filled with all sorts of restaurants. The KFC has different menu items as the McDonald’s does. Then, I walked back to my hotel reminiscing of my first night in Japan and finished up packing. Finally at 2:30 AM, I went to sleep for my last wonderful night in Japan. Sayonara. :)

Sunday, August 5, 2007

Osaka Castle

This morning I rode the train by myself to meet Yumi in Osaka. It is the largest railway station in the country and has seven or eight different rail lines running through it. It was nice to see Papa lead me and help me make it there on my own. Yumi and I first had lunch at McDonald’s. I had the Japanese specialty of Bacon and Lettuce Burger. It was my first time to eat McD’s in Japan.

Next, Yumi and I headed to a big festival (MBS Osaka - Jo Summer Festival) hosted by a tv station. It was packed and super hot at the main entry site. As we walked around I saw many new things like this flying noodle game, but the coolest thing I saw was a Japanese street band marching down this one road. We followed them and their great jazz. They were all having so much fun especially the young tuba player.

Following the band led us along the way to Osaka Castle. It was built in the late 1500s or early 1600s by the Toyotomi family. In 1615, it was involved in the Summer War of Osaka. I am glad to have gone to this castle (complete with a moat) to see its architecture and delightful view, but the family’s story and war were gory. I definitely didn’t like that part.

The sun really tired me out despite the break from the heat in the castle. That and Yumi needing to meet another friend caused us to leave Osaka Castle after two to three hours. We took the train again and returned to Kobe. I met Shiho next for dinner. It was needed after an exhausting day out! (This was the first time in several years that both of my friends had seen one another.) Dinner was delicious Japanese fondue known as shabu shabu. Our dinner lasted about two hours and consisted of: sesame sauce, soy/vinegar sauce, daikon radish, negi (Japanese green onion), garlic, hira (Japanese herb), salty daikon and cabbage, rice, tea, water, orange juice, thinly shred beef, cabbage, bean sprouts, haku sai (lettuce?), mushrooms, carrots, tofu, seaweed, glass noodles, green tea, mochi with noodles, green tea ice cream, and cantaloupe ice cream. It was all very delicious! :) And that’s my day.

Saturday, August 4, 2007

‘Neath the Falling Ashes

Today I met Shiho, and we went for lunch in Osaka. I have enjoyed seeing the beautiful traditional clothes being worn by Japanese men, women, children, and a foreigner or so. Shiho has been helping me learn about Japanese culture. She tells me that this day is special as it is one of only two days a year when you can see so many traditional garbs! They are called yukatas and are different from kimonos.
My lunch was in a modern/traditional restaurant. We went there because they had soba noodles with green onions. The rest of my lunch included seaweed, peanuts, deep fried bean curd, konjak (a Japanese plant) rice, Japanese tea, daikon radish, kinako and mochi, tempura (shrimp, carrot, lotus, pumpkin, and mushroom). Mochi is a gooey rice cake that looks like pudding. All that cost only $12 USD. It was very yummy, and it was even more enjoyable as we got to eat the little Japanese table with our shoes off! :)

After lunch, Shiho and I did some shopping. I am really not a big shopper, but it was a good time with Shiho. You could get anything you’d want at this place too! We also went to the Sky Building. This building is 40 stories tall, has an innovative design, and gives you a breath-taking view of the whole city! :) My favorite part was the cool escalator that connects the two buildings making up the Sky Building. You are literally transported at about 38 stories high from one building to the other. It truly rocks!

The time came next for us to head to the riverside spot to prepare for the fireworks show. (There is actually a similar show in Kobe too, but it is smaller. Thus, we came here.) As we walked on the street, we stopped to get some food to take with us for dinner. The little stand where we stopped gave only us six kabobs for the price of one! They were so nice and refused to take more money. Shiho and I also got some food down beside the river at the fireworks site. It was so yummy and wonderful to eat on the grassy outfield of a baseball field. :)

The fireworks started at 8:00 PM. They were so lovely! I enjoyed watching them and listening to the many Japanese people oooooh and ahhhhh. This was definitely not only memorable because it was so lovely but also because the ash from the fireworks literally fell on us! It was due to the direction of the wind. Though it was a bit messy and painful (some went in my eye) it was extremely enjoyable and lovely. About three hours later, I finally arrived back at the hotel.

Friday, August 3, 2007

“I’m in Japan!”

2-3 Aug 2007

“I’m in Japan!” That’s what I keep telling myself and saying to myself. It is still a little surreal for me to be here. I am thankful for the these next few days to have my mind and understanding of the globe expanded, to see some of this amazing country, and to hopefully share the gospel again with Yumi and see it bear fruit ... for that is the true reason why I am here on this lengthy stopover. Your kingdom come; your will be done Father!

Well, now that my amazing but arduous trek to get to this hotel is over, I can sit and write and relay the true story of how Papa got me here. Here goes ...

Yesterday, I left my hotel around 6 AM with Jun Ling. We went by taxi to the airport. I was really impressed with how quick and fairly cheap we made it there. We talked on the way which was both good and troubling. I really pray that dear Papa would set her free from her current job and the abuse at home and provide her with peace and love. She is a wonderful lady, mama, friend, and worker, but I don’t know how long on a heart level she can remain where she is at. Simply put, it stinks, and it’s tough.

Jun Ling went as far as she could with me, and then I had to do a lot on my own to make it to my terminal. Papa gave me peace the night before that everything would be okay concerning my bags making it to Japan. However, this was the rare occasion for me to have so many extra security checks added. My bags were searched heavily before I could even check-in at the airline counter, and then, I was randomly selected to answer even more security questions. It was scary, but I know that Papa was with me and apologized to the security lady for sounding rude. My passport wouldn’t scan so that caused a little trouble checking in too.

Having gone through all of that, I simply prayed that the rest of my time would go smoothly, and it did! Perhaps, it was selfish for me to pray that, but I simply didn’t want to go through any more checks! My flights from Beijing to Tokyo and Tokyo to Osaka were some of the absolute best flights I’ve ever had!!! Papa provided an absolutely, amazingly beautiful day for me to fly. I wish yall could’ve seen the beauty in creation I saw. The other thing that made the flights so nice was the in-flight conversation. I talked for a long time about politics, culture, and history with a 60-70 year old Norwegian guy and briefly with Yoko from Osaka about Japanese food. I will tell you straight up that an awesome airline to fly on is All Nippon Air!

So, I made it to Tokyo at around 2:30 PM. I went through Japanese Immigration and Customs, decided to wait to exchange money, and headed for my domestic flight check-in counter. Now an important consideration to mention is that I didn’t get my checked luggage because in BJ they told me it’d go all the way to Osaka. thus, I arrive at the check-in counter (after having difficulty finding it) with only my carry-on items. The lady goes through the process and tells me that I need to go back for my luggage! So, for the first time ever, the Northwest Airlines folks personally go back and get my luggage (which is heavy) and hold if for me. When I finally find that counter, I am escorted back to Customs to have a quick, personal check of my luggage which basically was answering about three questions. Thus, my mishaps turned into wonderful, personal service down to getting a luggage cart delivered to me.

Things continued to go smoothly after that. I waited about three hours for my flight, and then, off to Osaka. About an hour later, I arrive at Osaka International Airport. Now this is where things change again in my true tale. :) This is my first time to stay in Japan although I’ve flown through Japan a few times. So, I try to find the place to exchange money. The lady at the information desk tells me that there is NO place in this airport to do that because it’s a domestic airport. I tell her that I have no Japanese money and need to get to my hotel. I show her the name, and she says, “Oh! It’s very close. They have a free pick-up service to and from the airport.” She calls the hotel to come and get me and tells me where to go to wait. I go outside and have a little difficulty finding the spot but get there. The van comes, and it’s for the wrong hotel. So, I go back inside and wait for a long time to talk to the lady again. Twenty minutes later, I show a second lady my hotel info.

Now, by this time, I’m really trying to have fun and be relaxed and just rest in Papa despite my difficulties. I keep reminding myself that he loves me and that he’ll take care of everything. I learn that I can go outside and buy a bus ticket to my hotel for $11.00 and use my American money. I have only hundreds and fives, and the lady can’t tell me if I’ll get change. I spend $15 for the ticket to my surprise get ¥480 back in change. It’s not much, but it is some Japanese money (yen). I have difficulty understanding how to do the bus thing, but make it in time to catch the bus.

As I ride the bus to my hotel, I keep thinking a few things. First is “I’m in Japan!” Secondly, I think “Wow! I never knew they drive on the left side of the street (like in Britain) in Japan.” Third, I am blown away by the beauty of Japan --- its pretty night lights, its mountains, its peoples. The bus ride takes about 40 minutes to Kobe-Sannomiya. I get off, gather my things, pray, and try to find my hotel.

By this time it’s about 9 PM. I am starving and have no clue where my hotel is. I just keep saying to myself, “I’m in Japan!” Well I find a map of the area nearby but can’t find my hotel on the map. I ask a lady for help, but she walks away from me. So, I just walk and try to find my hotel. I pray that Papa would send me people to help. I am very tired and extremely hungry by now but decide that first I need to get to the hotel before I eat. So, I lug my stuff around and across the street, over a bridge and into a shopping mall that has OPA on the outside hoping that I am simply misreading it. Two ladies help me inside, a lady outside very briefly helps me, and in the end I get directions from two female police officers in a little Japanese police station.

The ladies’ directions are good, but I take the wrong street and end up walking for about another hour. Finally, I pray again for Papa’s help to find my hotel. When I look up after that I immediately see my hotel! :) I am truly exhausted when I make it there, and then there’s the matter of paying for the room when I am several thousand yen short of my bill. My debit card and a phone call to Shiho clear up the matter, and on to the room I go. After dropping off my stuff and receiving a phone call from Yumi, I head out with a map to try and get dinner at 10:00 PM at McDonald’s. I never made it there; I finally gave up and spent almost all of the yen that I had on a Kwikie Mart dinner. I got the biggest meal I could find and returned to the hotel lobby for a delicious meal.

Well, that was yesterday. Today, I slept a lot and had breakfast downstairs. It is part of my room’s expenses, so I also fixed a plate for lunch. I feel much better now! I simply needed the rest. (I basically didn’t sleep much last night in China.) I do feel beat up physically, but that will soon pass. In a little bit, I will go out to explore Osaka. Tonight Yumi will come here, and then, we’ll go out for dinner. I dig Japan very much!!! It is clean, it is safe, and they recycle even in the hotel. They are also some of the most friendly and helpful people I’ve EVER met! It is such a change from China to be here!

... I had a wonderful time exploring Osaka or rather Kobe; it turns out that this is actually Kobe. My exploration led me down some streets, past a post office, past a BMW show room, down many restaurants, and to a travel agency where I could exchange money. That was such a happy sight! :) I learned that my hotel really is in such a wonderful spot and that my arrival last night could have taken only five minutes had I known the way. Even the McDonald’s I couldn’t find is so close to my hotel! I had to just laugh and think how ironic it all is. These mishaps and my time in BJ teach me the same things --- to show love and compassion for foreigners in America as I now know what it must be like for them.

After I exchanged my money, I decided to visit a park or something nice nearby. I had about three hours to wait for Yumi. The lady at the exchange counter told me about a city bus tour. So, I headed off for the tour. It was only ¥250 to see a large portion of this delightful city!! That is such a bargain (US $2.50)! The tour was extremely enjoyable and also showed me the way to some shopping places. I had an hour or less to shop (which is fine), and so I bought a cool gift at a Japanese baseball store and a camera. I also went down the biggest shopping street in Kobe a little road called Kobe Sannomiya Center Street.

I headed back to the hotel to meet Yumi for dinner. She had called to say she’d be an hour late, so I headed upstairs and watched part of a Japanese baseball game (Nipponham vs. Mariners). It was so cool to watch! :) I am so glad that they have baseball here. It too is a big change between Japan and China.

Yumi arrived, and we headed out for dinner. We talked on the way and eventually ended up at a Japanese restaurant. I had true Japanese food. It was good, but it was definitely not like the American Japanese food I’ve had. We ordered many dishes which are like appetizer size but fill you up if you order a bunch. Our dinner was the following: octopus in wasabi sauce, macaroni salad, hokke fish, piping hot egg (not!), oolong tea, grapefruit juice with gingerale, cabbage and chicken(?) ball soup, and rice in hot green tea with sour plum.

Yumi and I talked a lot. We caught up some on the past seven years. I think we’ve both changed a lot!! I hope to share more directly about Papa with her. I would love for her to become my sister. Only 1% or less of Japanese people are in the Family. It’s sad. :(

I am glad to have spent a few hours with Yumi and will see her again on Monday. She is taking the day off to be with me. Maybe we’ll go to a baseball game! :) It’s a huge part of the culture here, and there are some nearby teams. Definitely with Yumi and my friends in China, this summer trip has taught me that I want to stay in better and deeper contact with them. I am excited that I got an email from Jun Ling in Pinyin a little earlier! It is for the Gospel’s sake that I desire these things. America and Japan are too comfortable for me, but they and China so much so need the Gospel. May the workers abound in these fields oh so ripe with harvest!!! :)

PS: A typhoon came to Japan on the day I arrived. It headed for southwest Japan and didn’t affect my flight at all, but it did cancel the flights to Hiroshima. Big things like this always follow me; I love it and just smile and laugh as I continue to see these kinds of things follow me.

Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Leaving My Homeland

I have had a wonderful last day in China. This morning my depression about leaving China lifted, and I worshipped Papa and read his book. I prayed for Jun Ling to come and asked for Papa to connect Daryl and I too. I realized that only he could connect us. When Jun Ling didn’t come by 11, I went out to give her a call to ask her to come. I really hoped to meet Daryl by noon to eat with him. Jun Ling arrived around 1 o’clock.



She and I briefly talked, and then, off we went for me to catch a bus to meet Daryl. It took about 1 ½ hours to go to the bus station to meet Daryl. Then I had to walk a bit to use a telephone inside at a cell phone shop. The man was super nice to talk with Daryl and let me use his cell phone. (Prior to that, a lady on the street said no because she didn’t understand me.) He also drew me a map, and off I went again by foot and taxi to IKEA to meet Daryl. I am glad that my dear friend took me there in Guangzhou as I knew what to look for this time.



My time with Daryl lasted for about 4 1/2 -5 hours. He wanted me to have dinner with him, Wanda, Wanda’s mom, and other friends; however, I wasn’t able to eat with them because of the transportation issue. Though I’d definitely have enjoyed the dinner and time with him, I am just thankful for the time to talk and be with him! It is quite the gift from my dear Papa! I am very thankful that we were able to catch up on his life and that I could share about my time in Beijing with him. It is cool that I have been to see him each time I’ve been in China! :)



After the ride back, I went to the internet café. I checked my email and was able to look at many pictures from my mom and sister. I will leave in less than 12 hours. What an amazing time I’ve had in China! Thank you my dear Papa for this wonderful summer; it has truly been amazing!!!



Lord, I have seen you be faithful to all you said about this time in China! I have seen you help me greatly with Chinese language (Mandarin, Hakka, and Cantonese). I have seen you grow my faith deeply and am still thankful that you forgave me today for my worries the past 2-3 days. I have seen you open up many doors for me to travel all over China this summer and immensely provide for me! You have taught me so much this summer!!! I love you my true Father!!! May my love for you abound more and more and your love abound in all my life!!!



- <3 Amanda Kay :)

Just a Quick Message

Just a quick message to yall as it may be a few days before I can write again.

In less than 24 hours I will be flying from Beijing, China to Japan for a five-day stay. I have a few Japanese friends from college (UWF, Pensacola) that live in Osaka. My stay will include some time in Tokyo, Osaka, and possibly some other nearby scenic spots. My friends and I haven't seen each other for seven years. They have done a wonderful job preparing things for my arrival and stay! As expected, we are all excited to soon be spending some time together in Japan.

I will arrive back in Marianna on August 8th, probably in the evening or late afternoon. My father is planning to come to Pensacola to pick me up that afternoon and drive me back. I have definitely had a wonderful adventure in Asia this summer and will miss it here greatly!!! BUT ... I am looking forward to seeing yall too. I start teaching right away although students won't return to school for about two more weeks ... so, if we don't see each other right away it is likely due to my work responsibilities.

Oh, in case you're wondering there will be more on this blog about my time in Beijing. It's just too much to write about at the internet cafe now. So ... please be patient and know that entries about the rest of my time in Asia (Beijing and Japan) will be posted later along with my pictures.

Bye for now ... See yall soon ... Love Amanda Kay :)

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Depression Has Set In Hard

I have about a day and a half left in China now. I am trying to make myself happier and not be sad about leaving … but I’m afraid that my efforts simply aren’t working much. I am simply really sad to be leaving so many friends behind and my home on Earth. I have decided that this is what China has become in my heart. I truly love China and its many, diverse people. I am trying to accept Papa’s plan for me to go back to America though it is extremely difficult for me now. Yet I know that His plans are always best and right.



This morning I watched a lot of Chinese TV I think mostly because I am so down now about leaving. Around 11 AM, Jun Ling and her son arrived here. There were no buses for her to make it here at 10 AM. I really love them both and am glad that we were able to spend more time together. We went to an Olympic venue close by, perhaps the soccer stadium. I really don’t know which venue it is, but it is in Shunyi. Afterwards, we did a little more walking and then went to McDonald’s. I treated everybody to show Tai Dar love. He enjoys McDonald’s and mentioned it yesterday. I really enjoyed loving on him and his mama through a McDonald’s meal. :)



I still hope and pray to see Daryl. I tried to use the hotel’s telephone but couldn’t because it only allows in-house calls. I will try a little later to contact him again. I hope to see him soon and get a picture with him before I return a photo shop’s camera. I am just discouraged now.



(9:22 PM) Still depressed that I am leaving soon … but Papa did allow me to finally connect with Daryl this evening. We made plans to connect tomorrow and spend my last day together. I will again need Papa’s help for that. This afternoon I went out to take more pictures of Beijing. I went to the nearby park and enjoyed its sights. My favorite part was the greenhouse. I wished that I were staying to buy a plant.



My depression has let me watch some very lovely footage of places in China. Now I am watching a travelogue show about Zhangjiajie in Hunan Province. It is extremely lovely. The Tuja people live here. I hope that I will be able to go there some day. It makes me think of my dear Chinese brother and makes me want to travel with him and take a yearly trip with him if I live long-term in China again. (This place has the world’s only giant salamanders! They’re cute!)



Earlier today or yesterday I watched a similar type show about Lushan. It also showed Jiujiang. Both are in Jianxi Province and are cities on the Yangtze River. Lushan is also home to Guling American School and Pearl S. Buck. I need to learn more. Edward Selby Little (an English missionary) also had a major influence here.



This entry is not chronological and a bit random, but there are two more parts of my day that I’d like to write about. The first is about my dinner. Tonight I ate at the hostel. I can’t read the menu much, and so, I just ordered something cheap. I truly had no clue what I was ordering and just literally prayed that it would be good in taste. It was a shredded cabbage in soy sauce dish. It really made me think how much more I need to learn Chinese.



Secondly and lastly, I thought about things with Ray, and it made me come to one heartfelt conclusion. This is the conclusion – Where man fails me, God cannot! I am sad that he (Ray) continues to harm folks here and in the US. I will continue to pray for him, his heart, and those here that I love and soon leave behind. I know though that had these things not come to pass that I could not have met Daryl and have done other things. It is His hand working in a Joseph-esque situation. I pray that others will understand this part of my time in China, as it will be very hard to explain back home.



But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good … - Genesis 50:20

Monday, July 30, 2007

Three Entries in One Day

(Noonish) I slept in this morning after staying up late talking for a very long time with a dear Chinese friend, watching the news, and then, a discussion among 20-something Chinese and Americans. It was good to sleep in; I realize that it is one of the most enjoyable things for me that I will have to live with less and less. I thought of a dear friend back in America a lot this morning (and last night too). I really want to marry … but I’m almost scared to say that because of what happened with my friend Matt from the past.



I tried to find an Internet café oh so unsuccessfully this morning too. I did however find and buy a wonderful Chinese-English dictionary for myself and a Doctor Seuss book for my Chinese children. They loved his A, B, C book! :) I am excited to give this to them through Jun Ling, and it excites me also because it to is in Chinese and English. That means that even little Tai Dar can enjoy this book!



I don’t know what else the day holds, but I need some rest and a shower soon. I have walked the nearby streets several times exploring and searching for this net café. I am going to sleep now. :)



(4:01 PM) I am still waiting here at my hostel for Jun Ling to arrive here for a visit. She said that she would come back after 2 PM. I enjoyed my time here this afternoon, but definitely am wanting to go out again. I am really hoping that I can exchange my dictionary for one with Pinyin. (I bought the wrong kind in my excitement; they don’t usually exchange but I am hoping that Papa will answer my prayers.)



This afternoon I had a long nap and then prayed for Chinese friends I’ve met along the way this trip. I am amazed at how many friends I’ve seen and made this time. I really am wanting to return to China and stay long-term. It is my home on Earth. All summer long, I’ve had peace being here and not felt really that I was in China but simply “home.” I’d like to study Chinese in America and improve. I am sloppy with my tones, which is everything in Chinese! That is why I also need to return this dictionary so that I can have Pinyin.



I am amazed at Papa today too. I watched a TV program about a seven-year old Chinese girl (Weiwei) with a really bad esophagus. I had never thought about how if your esophagus is bad that you can’t eat, and if you can’t eat, then, you can’t live! This little girl was really close to dying. I prayed for her and am glad to have seen Papa’s amazing handiwork!!! :)



(8:49 PM) I am sad that I only have two more days here in China before flying to Japan and America. I will leave a bigger part of my heart here this time. I want to come back and live indefinitely here, but that is up to Dad. I know that He wants me back to teach in the US for one more year, but I really do hope to return after that.

Today Jun Ling came around 4:30 PM. The rain kept her from coming sooner. I really love her and her son. We all went to Xinhua, and God did a miracle. After two unsuccessful attempts, Papa provided, and my book was exchanged. I am very thankful for your help Dad and Jun Ling’s help too. My exchange bought her some English CD’s too. Now I have the correct dictionary to stay in contact with her and my other friends in preparing myself to learn Chinese and become fluent in Mandarin and hopefully Hakka too. I must be diligent!



Jun Ling also brought my Bible. I am glad to have it too! I need Papa’s comforting words. I know that I’m emotional about leaving. It is His plan … but still I am a bit sad. Yet now, I think of rejoicing in the Lord always (Philippians 4:4). I am truly glad for this summer in China. I am glad to visit the incredibly lovely and large park just next door. I am a sucker for its beautiful, colorful neon lights. I would like to visit it again in the day.



One last thing before I close this journal out … Papa provided an Internet café tonight. It was just three spots down. It is hidden in the corner though, and if I had gone a little later I’d have totally missed it as there was not light to show the way. What a good Papa I have. He provides all things for me! He loves me so! Still praying and hoping to see Daryl. Only Papa can connect us in this massive city. Please may it be so. I really need to chill out … I can tell that I’m super emotional on the inside.



AH … A FULL JOURNAL. :)

Sunday, July 29, 2007

Get the Shakles Off My Feet … I Just Want to Praise Him!

- 7月 29æ›° 2007 –

Today was my last day with kids and ladies. I am still in Beijing but packed my things and left around 12:30 PM. Jun Ling came back this morning around 9:00 AM, and after we studied together, she took me in the back room privately. Communication was difficult but was prayed over. What she said was that Ray sent her an email saying he would take money from her for me not leaving. He tells her that she isn’t listening to him. She simply didn’t know how to solve this dilemma, so with tears in her eyes, she asked me about going to a hotel.

Honestly, I hadn’t planned on leaving until August 2, but Papa gave me peace to go early. He showed me last night that things were back on track, and I realized after she and I talked that my departure today would bring peace. So, I spent one to two hours packing my many bags and checking to make sure I got everything. Ironically, I left my Bible, but Jun Ling is planning to look for it and bring it to me tomorrow. I do believe that today is still a part of this amazing adventure and that I was obedient to Jesus. I am thankful to see the changes in David last night, to get to say goodbye to all of my friends in that house, and to know that they truly love me and didn’t want me to leave. They cried and told me not to go, but for their sakes I had to leave today.

Jun Ling is a wonderful friend and lady. She and her son came with me to this hostel, and she helped me check-in. At first, I just stayed in the room here and prayed. Then, I realized that I was FREE, so I went out to explore and go for a walk. I enjoyed smelling the roses in the garden, seeing the dragonflies glide here and there, seeing the Beijing people, and learning where in Beijing I am. I haven’t known where I am living in BJ, so I took the walk.

It is soooooooooo coool to see Papa be who he is which is the Ever Faithful One. He let me follow some foreign, English speaking ladies down the street. Then, I decided to go into what looked like a supermarket, but it turns out it’s this inside flea market essentially. At one of the little shops, there was a poster of a Buddhist goddess with a swastika on her chest. It broke my heart to see that, and three Chinese teens saw me briefly looking at it with a sad face. I was walking away, but one girl said in Chinese that I was sad because I was a Christian. I turned around and shook my head “yes.” It amazed the girl, and she was like, “Wah! She understands my Chinese!” I walked out with a smile. :)

Well, my exploration continued. I decided to walk across the street just to see what was down there. Again, Papa’s hands directing me! It turns out just down that street are fruit markets, a camera shop, McDonald’s, KFC, and Xinhua Bookstore. They were all joyful sights! I went in the bookstore and asked for a map of Beijing. Quickly, I was on my way to learning where exactly I am. It was good to know! :) I decided to walk to the hostel to make sure I could remember the way. My prayers to learn the way were answered, and I easily made it back. To my surprise, someone was waving and calling my name. I thought maybe they weren’t even really talking to me, but as I got a little closer, I saw that it was Jun Ling. She had come back to get me because she couldn’t exchange $100 without my passport. So, off we went.


Jun Ling really has proved herself to be my dear friend. I know she loves me much, and I could tell that she enjoyed being with me. She plans to come see me tomorrow in fact. Well, she helped me get the money to pay this hostel’s bill, see more of BJ briefly, and get some lunch around 3 PM. We stayed together for about an hour, and I saw her off at the bus stop. Before she left earlier today, she made sure I knew about the hostel’s meal times, and so I came back after going out again for a nice, huge bowl of soup (cucumbers, eggs, green onions).

I feel that I should pray tonight … so I’ll stay here for at least a long while to do that. My God is faithful and has given me one of the most amazing lives I know about! I REALLY LOVE HIM AND HAVE JOY. :)

God cannot be a liar. - Hebrews 6:18

He that hath my commandments, and keepeth them, he it is that loveth me: and he that loveth me shall be loved of my Father, and I will love him, and will manifest myself to him. …Jesus answered and said unto him, ‘If a man love me, he will keep my words: and my Father will love him, and we will come unto him, and make our abode with him.’ – John 14:21, 23

For God is not unrighteous to forget your work and labor of love, which you have showed toward his name, in that you have ministered to the saints, and do minister. - Hebrews 6:10

Psalm 140 sums up my time at Ray’s house and this battle for righteousness well!

* In KFC, I heard “My Girl” which made me think of Sister Act’s “My God” and the Motown song that says “How sweet it is to be loved by you” which made me think of God and a dear friend back home. *

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Demons In My Face

I am exhausted; I think today was my hardest day yet. I finally fell to the dark forces and got frustrated at Hannah. I saw in my heart that I wanted to repay evil for evil rather than repay evil with good. I hit her only slightly with the door, but realized that part of me actually wanted to hurt her; I immediately repented to her.

Around that same time, Blaza also got demon-possessed briefly. He has autism, which is how things with him got started. If things aren’t done in the same routine, then he freaks out. I turned off his music, which he loves, as discipline for him not listening to me. I needed and wanted him to calm down and sit on the couch, but he didn’t do that after several requests. He freaked out for sure and eventually came at me. I was standing directly in front of the TV and DVD player. At first he was just normal, but then his face changed. It really looked exactly like the little demon boy in “The Passion” (movie) whose face changes. It was scary, but I just said right to the demon and Blaza, “In the name of Jesus sit down on the couch.” He immediately did so! I honestly thought as he headed straight for my face that he might bite me or attack me, but thankfully he didn’t; he just got right up in my face, and then, I said what I did knowing I had power. What a powerful name “Jesus” is!!!

Later tonight, I went in to check on Rebecah and Hannah. I sent them to bed early because they weren’t listening or obeying when I tried to teach them the Bible. I gave them warnings, but their misbehavior continued. What a sight to walk into their room! Rebecah had been peeling off the velour on the kids’ dresser. I made her clean it up and then I asked her why she did it; she couldn’t give me a reason. It was a really awful mess, and for me, this only makes things worse. I have begun to pray that I can be the scapegoat for all the bad and demonic here so that those I leave behind can have things go well for them. It really makes me think of Jesus; he took ALL our bad and all the blame so that we definitely could have a good life. I am going to try and get some EXTREMELY TO THE MAX needed sleep. Only a few more days here … and I continue to have mixed emotions about that. I am very thankful for the upcoming five days in Japan. It is good to have them as a relaxer before jumping back head first into American culture and my job. Thanks Papa!!!

Oh, before I forget, on the plus side I saw David be a friend and love his brother James and sister Hannah for the first time today. I think I finally got a piece of his heart. Tonight before bed he let me give him a hug and a kiss goodnight and told me, “Amanda, no go bye bye.” It made me smile cause it’s the opposite of what he’s been saying lately, and I didn’t expect him to ever say it.

Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don't try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way. If you don't know what you're doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. You'll get his help, and won't be condescended to when you ask for it. (James 1:2-5)

Demons in the House

“Oh Lord, I know the way of man is not in himself. It is not in man who walks to direct his own steps.” (Jeremiah 10.23)

“Learn to do good; seek justice, rebuke the oppressor; defend the fatherless, plead for the widow.” (Isaiah 1.17)

“His delight is in the fear of the Lord, and He shall not judge by the sight of His eyes, nor decide by the sight of His eyes, nor decide by the hearing of His ears; but with righteousness He shall judge the poor, and decide with equity for the meek of the earth; He shall strike the earth with the rod of His mouth, and with the breath of His lips He shall slay the wicked. Righteousness shall be the belt of His loins, and faithfulness the belt of His waist.” (Isaiah 11.3-5)

“For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life. And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart. Therefore, as we have opportunity, let us do good to all, especially to those who are of the household of faith.” (Galatians 6.8-10)

This is for real (but has been hidden for I don’t know how long) that demons live in this house. It is the wildest things to see them possess people here. For four days now, I have personally witnessed them make things go insane here. I have heard of similar stories on the mission field, but I think if I weren’t here to see it with my own eyes that I wouldn’t believe it to be true.

Here’s what’s been going down. First an email went out about me to 500 people. Their task is to pray me out of this house. Since that time, I have seen Xiao Fei turn against me and live and act by Ray’s law. Only when I prayed for her in my heart did she stop being demon possessed and act with love and kindness like the old Xiao Fei.

The kids have been super emotional way more than the normal. I truly think that it is an attempt by Satan to get me frustrated rather than continue to turn to Jesus and plead for help. They were sleeping through the night and well health-wise. Several had/have badly running noses, lots of congestion, and fevers now. A major diaper rash that was healed is now back on strong. And somehow, Rebecah got an injured shoulder while sleeping through the night. James is now sucking his thumb, and Hannah is telling me to go home; both love me, and this shows me that they are going backwards. Blaza is too; he scavenged for food last night in a major way.

Aside from those things, several things have stopped working. My digital camera won’t work, my phone is acting up badly, and the toilet nearly overflowed and then wouldn’t flush properly several times yesterday. It might seem silly, but I prayed for it (the toilet), and it started working after that. :) The biggest thing that’s stopped working is the computer. It suddenly started getting run time errors and didn’t work quickly. The guy has come twice to fix it. This means that Ray can’t see or talk with the kids and folks here; that really aggravates him and adds fuel to fire from the adversary.

On a personal note, my phone not working well and the computer not working means that the Punk (Satan) is keeping others from being able to know about the situation to pray. I am hoping that those things will end soon, but it definitely teaches me all the more why China is so full of darkness. Praise Papa that His Spirit is bigger and stronger and has let me communicate with some others about the situation, so thankfully that more folks in the Family could fight on my side – the side of Victory!

Last night, I decided to anoint the rooms of the house with oil and pray. I was hearing the demons within the house as I literally have for four days now. That was at 2:30 in the morning after staying up late to prove myself a worthy worker here and show Blaza, Xiao Fei, and Grandma the love. I had peace more and more as I prayed out the demons in each of the rooms and blessed this house and its people.

Just as I lay down and was about to fall asleep, James came in my room very scared. I am really wondering if he is not only sensitive in the natural but also in the spiritual like little Samuel in the temple. Little James loves to pray and learn about Jesus with me. He will be greatly used to share the Gospel with others in China I know. Well, I comforted James and stayed up to get him back to sleep until almost four. That is okay because though I desired sleep I was willing to stay up however long needed out of love to Jesus and James. He will always be in my heart, and I wonder if I could ever adopt him. I know he’d love it! :) (James: Amanda, come back.)

I actually don’t know what time I finally fell asleep because after James went to sleep I went back to my room and prayed and rejoiced for a long while. I guess it must have been between 5 and 6 AM. I haven’t gotten much sleep here since I came and am eating less and less. The need to forsake food and sleep to simply pray is truly that great! It is the power from Jesus that will make this sad situation become good like Joseph’s story and time in Egypt. Rest assured in my heart, I am resolute that LOVE will win out and that HIS victory for those here is coming!

“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of His might. Put on the full armor of God, so that you will be able to stand firm against the schemes of the devil. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in heavenly places. Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm. Stand firm therefore, having girded your loins with truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and having shod your feet with the preparation of the gospel of peace; in addition to all, taking up the shield of faith with which you will be able to extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. With all prayer and petition pray at all times in the Spirit, and with this in view, be on the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints. And pray on my behalf, that utterance may be given to me in the opening of my mouth, to make known with boldness the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains; that in proclaiming it I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak. Grace be with all those who love our Lord Jesus Christ with incorruptible love.” (Ephesians 6.10-20, 24)