Count your blessings. Name them one by one. Count your many blessings. See what God has done.
This is long overdue. I kept telling myself that I needed to write as I found long ago that it helps de-stress and center me. Yet, I never wrote the varied mullings that floated through my head over the past month ... until ... now.
One of my primary thoughts has been to try and remember daily to focus on the many ways each day that God is helping me. As the song from my childhood says, to count my blessings. Honestly, this journey from life in Betel to homelessness has not been easy. So first, I am deeply grateful for restored and invigorated relationships with my family who first provided housing for me upon my return from service in Europe. I honestly had what I think are the best visits with them since moving off to university; I know how positive and loving the visits were from April to June were truly the answer to my prayers and those of many others. Along those lines, I am exceptionally grateful for the many friends, both old and new, who have provided temporary homes for me in New York City. It goes without saying that a couch is a better “home” than any night on the streets here.
The life here in NYC has always been both “home” and an arduous struggle. It still amazes me how for a solid year it was on my heart to return to serve this amazing city, and that, as I put the desire in God’s hands, that it only grew stronger within. Remarkably through that same time, I came to discover my clear, joy-filled career path --- working with the city’s homeless. Father, I want to thank you now for answering my prayers for a position with AmeriCorps that fits perfectly with that career path. Thank you for saying “YES!” to months’ worth of prayers and giving me a leadership position with NYC Habitat for Humanity starting 8/28. I don’t know what all is in store for me ... but, I’m very excited!
Jesus, I want to thank you now for the iPod I’m listening to, the one freely given to me by Neal, the one that was so the answer again to month’s worth of prayers! It was so completely YOU how all this went down for me to receive this particular blessing. I have a tool to learn more Spanish and Mandarin Chinese to become trilingual, a resource to grow spiritually from Christian sermons, and a means to be stimulated with academic videos. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
This might sound strange. (I admittedly feel a bit awkward confessing this.) Thank you Jesus for this time of homelessness so that I can learn firsthand what it is like to go through the bureaucracy, the mental anguish, the difficult choices (food or work) so as to better love and care for the homeless you’ll put into my future. It absolutely breaks my heart to see the multitudes of needy here not be given dignity, love, and tangible help and be treated like they did something wrong when what they need is compassion. I trust that your Word is true, meaning everything is for my good, and so this is, in part, to help me learn by experience ways and means to help others. Thank you God for the churches that have given me food, for the churches and organizations that have provided me professional clothes for work, and for the knowledge of new resources within NYC for the marginalized. I don’t know when or how exactly it will happen, but I thank you for the forthcoming income and permanent housing here in the city.
Papa, you know that this transition back has been difficult and busy. So much changed in my absence; I didn’t expect it to be the same when I returned, but I simultaneously didn’t expect this multitude of change. Two friends dead, one friend seriously injured, one raped and traumatized, places I loved gone forever, friends moving out of the city, friends still here not gathering weekly for fellowship and encouragement, disconnection with my church. It has me feeling very isolated and lonely. That is all mixed in with trekking all over the city most days for clothes, food, free medical care, social service appointments, and job interviews ... an exhausting mix really. And so, I’ve determined to pour my all into those friends who are still here, those remaining relationships, and to work for community in that way. God, though this part of the journey I think has been the hardest, I thank you for the times with friends still here to catch up on life and share joyful moments. Thank you for never leaving me and being with me through the loneliest times.
I know that I’ve spent time praying and thanking you on this journey, but I just want to say again thank you for all of the food, the free medical services, the new clothes, the open acceptance from some (like those at Holy Apostles) who’ve helped me, for the many couches and beds to sleep in, for many free meals with friends. Thank YOU for accepting me as I am. Help me to rest and abide in You on this journey, to remember Your love, and to walk forward in bringing Your Kingdom Jesus. Thank you too for the beautiful gardens and parks that I have been able to visit to help calm and center me and for quirky things like the break dancing battle royale that I got to see and brought a smile to my soul. I deeply love you. Help the anger, the sadness, the frustration to cease so that You will shine through me. May Your Kingdom come in NYC as it is Heaven. Amen.
