Intimate Peek

This morning I give you all an intimate peek, a transparent look, at an actual prayer of mine offered up to God. I don't usually share my word-for-word quoted prayers, but I want to do so this morning in hopes that yall can relate.

Dad, my Daddy ... I am hurting this morning still. It is day number five of intense pain within. The pain is beginning to make me feel numb. The cynicalism and sharp words and attitude are hard to fight. I can so easily see it upon me now. It is not because I am still tired (I am that too though); it is because of pain and loneliness. It is a loneliness that aside from you only one person can take away.

I have cried myself to sleep three times in the past four nights. If I think for just a bit over not having him in my life (my husband-to-be) then it makes me want to cry again. I have found myself picturing at times holding your hand God and then holding his hand too. I honestly feel as though I am battling depression ... again. Oh, I've got to stop thinking like this 'cause it only keeps chained here in this dark, escapeless abyss.

Jesus, will you please help me? You know my pain and loneliness. You know it better than I do infact ... and I've thought of your pain and your death. It makes me shudder! Jesus you've let rays of light shine down in my heart from loving friends these past four days. Thank you! I don't want to bury this pain, but I want it to be dealt with so that I can go on living and be joyful and free. Set me free God please ... here come the tears and numbness again.

God, thank you for your love for me. Thank you for knowing me intimately. Thank you for being sovereign. I don't know what else to say now. There is so much more of your greatness that I could say ... but my feelings are getting in the way now 'cause I feel mopey again and down. Okay, gonna end here now. Please Jesus bring your peace and rest to my weary heart, mind, and spirit. I really do love you! Lord Jesus, thank you for seeing me through this dark time and not leaving me.

In your name, Amen.